|Reviews for River Seasons|
| Duuude 2/3/08 . chapter 5
Aw, I like Kyle. I don't want him to get hurt. That would suck majorly. The plot is so not cliche... it's pretty unique, well I haven't seen anything like it before. Shaun's cool, Jeremy's so cutely innocent and I hate the jocks. What's with Ryan and the dude he was with? Is that why he cuts? None of the others bothered with lube... so that means it's happened before.. doesn't it? Don't tell me the jocks.. and Ryan.. .
Their cursing is really funny. It comes naturally, eh? People at my school do curse.. but in moderation. It's like basically a 'fuck', 'hell', 'shit', and 'damn' when something bad happens like a pop quiz, lost pens, shit like that. I'm okay with cursing, it's amusing okay. It is. Anyway. I love your characters they're amazing. I thought for sure it would be Jeremy and Landon sometime soon. Landon and Kyle just makes things weird. Plus, Kyle's too nice!11oneone11! HE IS!
I don't like it when feeling's get hurt. So no assholishness from the characters I love, please. Oh yeah and to hell with Michael Neely and his crush on Landon! Yeah, did you hear that Mike? DID YOU?
Heheh. I'll calm down now.
Blake's cool. I'll read some more later. ]
| Duuude 2/3/08 . chapter 4
Now we know a little more about our little friend, Landon! Heehee. I guess he's not so bad in his own unique cursing way. Blake's pretty cool too.. Who knew he would be the one Landon came to for advice? When do we get to find out more about why they're all this way? The next chappie, I hope! I really do like this Kyle character, where does he fit though? He said he would find somewhere to fit, and I have a feeling it's going to be in Blake's crew. I'm thinking I'm right. John McKennick isn't so bad, I have a feeling he's the better parent. Cause his mother is definitely not worth defending, I mean getting drunk with two random dudes and not caring if your son sees it. That's disgusting. I hate her already. I know she has some sob story behind her but at least do your thing, I don't know, a bit more privately. And maybe pretend you care about your son a bit, it's true that his dad is doing more for him than his mom is... and he's just hating for a person to blame, I guess. It's always easier to put the blame on someone else. Easier, indeed.
Anyway, love how the characters' stories are coming out one by one. Jeremy's a pretty cool character and I love how Landon defended him. This story's moving along pretty nicely, fabulous job! Until next time. ]
| Duuude 2/2/08 . chapter 3
MHHMM. I love this story. It's so nice. And Jeremy's just so lovable. I think the cursing's fine, quite hilarious actually. XD
I know you love long reviews.. Actually, I don't know, I'm guessing but I can't leave because I have to go. I'll check out your recommendations though! See ya! ]
| PARTY MONSTER 7/8/06 . chapter 3
This chapter summed up as a large introduction to the relationship between Landon and Jeremy. It also gave more background on Jeremy's 'issues' or so to speak, and I felt very sympathetic for Jeremy's character. Even more background was introduced in the discussion and reviews over the group's childhood, and the chemisty between these two characters was very well clarified.
It's evident that these two care a lot for each other, and it makes it realistic for Jeremy to be so upset about the visions Shera has presented to him. Landon clearly understands this as he attempts his best to comfort poor Jeremy, and does a very good job of convincing with his persuasive, but gentle language. Their conversation makes a bittersweet introduction to the two that leaves us pondering what they will face in the near future. Very good job of their dialogue scene.
Yet another character is given a very thorough introduction. Kyle seems a sweet boy, and again I'm left wondering what is in store as far as his social life goes. In such a brief scene on the bus, Kyle's background and a piece of his past is swiftly introduced during his discussion with Ben. This was a very smart way to break in his past, because the conversation had a warm tone to it, while we still realized the toll of Kyle not knowing his parents.
The scene with his Grandma was again very sweet, and her character is represented well, though for a moment in the beginning we are fooled as to think she might be a cranky woman. This again made for a very realistic transition, as no one is continuously monotone about their personality. She seems a playful character.
The E-Mail Kyle sends again tells us more about his personality, and a reader should wonder about this Chad and Danika.
This chapter was a pleasure to read. Onto finishing the next one! xox.
| PARTY MONSTER 7/8/06 . chapter 2
As you know Dana, this chapter took me a while to read, but I wanted to read it. How you wrote up twenty pages of dialogue blows my mind, but it's clear that it's something you excel in. The flow of the speech is very natural, and the background of the characters is fairly developed as they all seem to get into conversation or consider what's going on in the speech at some point. They all have their own opinions on each other, and this is again shown by the arguments or agreements the characters go through while discussing Jer.
A brief write-up for the characters may have helped during the plot some time, as I found myself going up to the beginning a lot to figure out who was who. I'm sure the characters will be better developed in future posts, but it would be a shame to let each person's traits slide as the story goes on. With so many characters speaking in one chapter, it can be quite confusing at times, so try to clarify more often who's speaking if it isn't always a certain two.
I really enjoyed reading this chapter, though I'm sure my attention span disagrees, and now I'll continue on to review chapter 2, as I finished reading it earlier. Love you Dana, and everything's great so far. (Don't deny me!)
| Collar de Espinas 5/28/06 . chapter 5
Ah, and finally we see the school and the entire bunch of misfits it contains…
I’m assuming we’re not meant to like the jocks. Or at least I hope we weren’t as I did *not* like them. They were mean to our poor little Jeremy! I hate it when people pick on those who aren’t entirely capable of defending themselves. Not that you should pick on someone even if they are* capable of self-defense, but getting to someone who can’t is just low. Really, really low.
Blake is my hero for punching Ian. He bloody deserved it, the stupid ’s notebook jotting about Shaun was lovely, really lovely. And cute. Kinda makes me wanna squoosh him. Or at least pinch his cheeks a little. Like you said the other night, Shaun is…plushie (I think that’s the word you used, right?). Lend me Shaun to snuggle? I’ll feed him grapes ‘n all… Lol.
Hm, meeting the jocks and slowly catching glimpses of their evil, plotting ways… And what’s with Ryan and that note? If curiosity killed the cat, then I think I’m already dead. Not that I’m a cat.
Jeremy upon meeting Kyle was utterly adorable. You gave him such an innocent, almost child-like air in the way that he acted and spoke. The bracelet was a nice touch, as was having him snuggle into Kyle’s shoulder. Also, the way he just seemed to speak without considering his words really added to his innocent character. Pretty. Yep.
And meep…I don’t like Mike. Landon better not end up hurting poor sweet Kyle… Pretty please, pretty Dana?
Oh yeah- Kyle and Shaun were ace. *Love* love them. Seriously, Shaun is my favourite character in this fic so far. He’s just…so much fun and so, so lovely. And plushie. Yay. Heehee- Kyle thinks Landon is hot.
And GOD, what a way to end the chapter! That was pure evil. EVIL, I tell you. I certainly did not expect that for Ryan… But phew, so hot… Hot, hot, hot. But so sad and wistful at the same time… Ryan’s lack of speech and the thoughts that circled around his head, from him forgetting things to the casual comment on how ‘Maverick was one of the very few Hamdon jocks that bothered to use lube’ really make me wonder about what’s going on with him. Also, the use of the mirror through that little section was very clever and very effective.
Excellent chapter…right, now where’s the next
| Collar de Espinas 5/28/06 . chapter 4
Julie at the very beginning cracked me up.
However, I do NOT like Landon’s father. Not at all. Not even the teensiest little bit. He is scum. –Can I stomp on him?
And his mother...yipes. Just…god. Wow. Poor Landon.
On the other hand, Kyle’s story was awesome. At first I was like ‘Eh? What’s this then?’ until I realised that it was Kyle writing something. I thought it was a clever way of including him in this chapter and I have to say, I rather enjoyed the story he was writing too! Lol. Do we get more of it?
| Collar de Espinas 5/28/06 . chapter 3
I love Jeremy in all his weirdness, poor little darling with his schizophrenia. I want to give him a big ole hug. However, Landon was really good with him and it’s clear that he cares about his ‘weirdie’. Weirdie. Heh. I thought that was just the cutest thing...And, er…what’s an Applebunny? Remember, I know next to zilch about the States and Stateside-culture. Am I meant to be wondering about the Reece that Jeremy mentioned? ‘Cause I am. I even went back to the first chapter and your list of characters in the two gangs to see if he was in there. He wasn’t. I’m confuzzled and , really nice to see Kyle there. I’m looking forward to seeing how he’s going to fit into all this. He just seems so…chipper and sweet. LOL.
| Collar de Espinas 5/28/06 . chapter 2
Heya darlin’! Yes, I’ve finally finished this fic and am reviewing. Or attempting to. I do apologise if it’s crappy.
This was a really neat introduction to Hamdon High’s bunch of delinquents. Those first two paragraphs…well, for some bizarre reason unknown to me, I found them funny. You just worded them superbly. I particularly liked: ‘Evan Lang was an androgynous invertebrate’. I adored Landon and Shaun together- they were brilliant. Shaun is just so sassy and I love him already. And the “Dammit, this is so not Goth.” comment of his was priceless. Definitely had me giggling there. Oh, and how could I forget the ‘Schwarzenegger Little’ gibe? Heehee… Shaun and Jon bickering was great too. Ah, I just love Shaun… Also, the lead-up to meeting Jeremy was really good; definitely peaked my curiosity with that. Literally, as I read I was continually thinking ‘Where the hell is this Jeremy dude?’ Right, like I said- crappy, useless review but hey…tis a review, right? Onwards ho!
| Angel Magic 2/18/06 . chapter 5
Nice story. The cussing doesn't always make a lot of sense but the story is awesome. So who is Kyle suppose to end up with?
| ShadowGal 1/11/06 . chapter 5
"Ray Torres, singing White Zombie like the janitor’s cleaning brushes and keeping time with his dumb neck." Okay, nothing's -wrong- with this, really... I just don't understand what it means. Or how one keeps time with one's neck; I thought it was done with one's head, if you're bobbing your head with the beat. Ah well, it's certainly nothing major.
Using bold to show a screwed-up letter is an awesome idea. I never would have thought of it, but it gives the character a strange dash of... Personality, I guess it is. Or something-I'm tired and in a bit of a hurry, so my mind isn't finding the best words right at the moment. Sorry about that.
"...like a sniveling halfway between an exclamation point and a question mark. " That's a great description. I can hear his tone of voice perfectly. Good job!
Dude. Mike is, like, super-creepy. Not the type of guy I'd feel at all comfortable around... Although I guess that's sort of the point, isn't it? Actually, all the jock-boys are creepy so far. And sort of confusing. Like real life, I guess. That's fine.
"Most of the seats had become occupied in a matter of seconds,filled largely withsleepy-eyed students." Just thought I'd let you know that you forgot to put a space between 'with' and 'sleepy'.
*melts* Jeremy is so infinitely cute. And kudos to Kyle for being all nice and tolerant and such. The mental image I have of Jeremy with his head on Kyle's shoulder is adorable! It makes me happy, which is just what I need before going to work.
"Keep him like its real, that is." Another minor typo: it should be "it's" instead of "its".
I don't know what to think about that exchange/deal between Mike and Landon. I think I'm a tad confused-why would going with a guy prove you're not gay? Ah well, I trust you to clear things up and run with it long enough and well enough that I understand soon.
Okay, well, I have to get ready and leave for work now, which means I can't read the rest of the chapter at the moment. I'll finish it later, and if I have anything else to say I'll just leave an anonymous review. Or I'll review on chapter 1, since it's just that intro-thingy.
| ShadowGal 1/10/06 . chapter 4
Okay. Chapter 3 was great, and I didn't find anything wrong with it at all. This chapter is awesome too, but I did find one little flaw.
"By the way, your mother just a new diamond necklace for herself." I think that you forgot the word 'bought' after 'just'. Other than that, absolutely stunning job! This is such an excellent story!
| Wesley The Dark Prince 1/9/06 . chapter 5
Okay so here we have chapter four. Not bad. It's chaotic and wild and admiteddly confusing as hell, but it was an enjoyable read. The sex scene at the end was as confusing as hell, the dialogue was well crafted but everything they said sounded so...ficticious and pretentious. I guess I'm not used to people speaking of sexuality so easily, at least not like that. That was probably my only problem.
Overall I liked it, it has gotten me more hooked on a story that I hope won't dissapoint in the end, because the end is the most important part (hah! my endings always suck.) Keep it up!
| Wesley The Dark Prince 1/8/06 . chapter 2
How do you do it? How do you write like this? I...I honestly don't know what to say right now. This story is stunning, and I'm only on the first chapter. This is everything an epic romance story should be. It's chaotic, wild, confusing. The sheer scope of it all is almost scary. Characters...so varied. It's like a little bit of real life, as frantic as it may be for some people, put on the internet. I wanted to write a story like this (check out my profile if you are confused) but I know that I can't compare to you. I'm...kinda speechless right now. Wow.
I think the only problem I could possibly have with this story is how abrupt and fast it starts, and the complete lack of insight the reader is given as we are forced into the faster-than-lightning dialogue. Mind you, that is the way it works in the real world isn't it? Reading this story, this epic, is like getting in on someone elses conversation at a big party and not having any idea what they're saying, but being interested nonetheless, because you don't wanna embarress yourself by asking 'what, who, huh?'. Also, the story seems so claustrophobic, and I don't know if I'm too fond with that. My suggestion is probably worthless but opening up the story, and giving the readers some breathing room would be a nice choice of future writing direction.
Judging by the massive scope of characters I can tell I'm going to have to print out the character lists, so I can figure out who's-who. No offence, but a story as fast paced as this definetly won't tell me what I need to know.
I wanna talk to you. I don't even know who you are, I admit, but I like your style. And trust me, you got alot of it. This is like Gregg Araki age 17. Talk with me, walk with me, make verbal love with me. And if you have any time...check out some of my stuff eh? Is it great? No. But like I say "small but vital."
I like where this is going, you can expect to see me in the near future. Keep on truckin' buddy!
| ShadowGal 1/4/06 . chapter 2
Lovely first chapter! The names were just fine, though my poor little brain is still struggling to keep up with the sheer -number- of them. It will get better as I get used to the characters and better figure out which is which. *nods*
The cussing didn't bother me, which is surprising. That's the type of thing that usually grates on my nerves, but it didn't this time. Good job.
I'm tired, so I won't be able to leave much more in the way of constructive criticism. I'll just say that I'll definitely read the rest of what's posted later-probably tomorrow-and leave it at that.
Great start on the story, though!