WOW! that was intense dude. Great one shot. i must agree you have improved by a mile. Casn't wait to read your original story, if you decide to put it up that is.Ryan

Coulda used a tad more description and line-breakers...(licks...continues licking). I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! JUST HOOK THE DESCRIPTION UP TO MY VEINS!

Wow, that was really good. You've really improved as a writer since I first met you on ff.net all those decades ago.

Keep it up, and hurry up and write the damned original story you announced a long time ago. I want to read it.

Hey Lord-boy.

Well done on this. It's a very tense piece. The build up was great, especially since you had me convinced he was gonna be a gonna! *SNORT!* See what I did?! *Uncomfortable silence*Moving on...

Even though this is a short fiction, It is, in my mind atleast, good enough to be a game opening scene. Like GTA for example. It's tense, man.

I love reading these short stories by you, I think they show you're strongest writing points and display your talents as an author. You've got somthing here.

I like how you gave enough detail on Dave's situation, (such as how he ended up, the gun his only way out)without being clumsy or losing pace.

You're very good at pacing a story,and keeping tension.

I enjoyed this, so write more!Keep it up, can't wait for the next one!

Toodles!