 ShadowYellowEyes 2005-10-30 . chapter 1For some reason, I have trouble connecting with that. Maybe because I have not fallen in love with someone outside my family yet, but if one person cannot connect, others cannot as well.
Maybe because you used the word "love" too much. Captivate, fascinate, enthall, enchant. The word love is overused already in English, (ie, I love that sweater! I love you!), and this is overusing it as well. I know how important this story is for you, but consider if it really speaks what you feel, and keep in mind the overused words in the English language (love, nice, kind, pretty). Best of luck in future endeavors. ~Shadow |