|Reviews for Twilight Secrets|
| perdita's kiss 10/7/07 . chapter 1
| from beneath the bell jar 9/30/07 . chapter 1
This is a beautiful story. I love that it doesn't end the way you would expect. It's heartbreaking and beautiful. The two perspectives really add to it. I thought I would like to read this as a story but now that I think of it, I like it better as a snapshot. Leaves a bit to mystery. Great piece.
| angelface04 5/29/06 . chapter 1
heart breaking. great 04
| akaSummer 5/21/06 . chapter 1
Wow. Oh my goodness, wow. I'm at a loss for words, obviously, except for... to tell a story!Keep it up, definitely.
| kit feral 11/6/05 . chapter 1
Sorry I took so long to read this- I forgot, lol. Anyway! I love it. It caught me from the beginning- I love that first part. Gorgeous. My favorite part would have it be "There was something just so magical about it. It was enclosed by the slender trunks of beech trees. At that moment the naked branches were twisting elegantly in and out of each other metres up above almost like wooden spider webs, allowing the winter sun to filter through creating a ghostly kaleidoscope of silver shapes." That's so full of imagery and so beautiful, I adore it. The whole thing was just so heartbreakingly beautiful... I don't know what to say. It's just... I feel like crying but I'm afraid that my tears will freeze. And if you understand that, you're officially screwed in the head- like me. :D Lol! Anyway. I really liked the different point of views thing. What a beautiful ending... I just love this. It's so sad, so beautiful, so everything. One of your best pieces, I think. Never stop writing, you're wonderfully talented.
| Gilee7 10/25/05 . chapter 1
-Like everything about Will, that day had left me with a million riddles I’m still figuring out to this day- I think this sentence works better without the word 'had'.
-Will had never been predictable; in-fact it often seemed his favourite pastime trying to catch me off-guard.- "was" after "pastime"
-I had just finished eating my breakfast and was about to stack the bowl in the dishwasher- If there's only one bowl, what is she stacking?
-I narrowed my eyes watching Will carefully as I always did when trying to figure out yet another one of his mysteries.- Need a comma after "watching".
-I sighed and continued to drink my coffee in silence wondering what could be on his mind.- Either put a word like "while" after "silence" or just add a comma.
-Suddenly, his eyes met mine piercing me intently with his ebony gaze.- Awkward sentence, but probably just because it needs a comma after "mine".
-Twisted between his cold red fingertips, were two tiny jewel-like snow drops.- At first I didn't know what a snow-drop was, but I read on and learned that it was a flower. I'll have to look it up so I can see what it looks like.
-God it was ages ago, what was it?- Need a comma after "God" and instead of a comma after "ago", I think it should be a period.
-A robin hopped away from us into the protective depth of the brambles either side.- Seems as if the sentence is missing a word after "brambles".
-I could smell the waxy and peppermint scent of Will’s coat blending into the smoky shreds of a bonfire curling through the wind.- Nice, sensuous sentence.
- At that moment the naked branches were twisting elegantly in and out of each other metres up above almost like wooden spider webs,- Nice figurative language and imagery. But the sentence is awkward and wordy. Need a comma after "At that moment" and the "metres up above" part is very distracting and it hurts the sentence.
-His tears looked like dewdrops sliding down his cheeks flushed red-raw with the cold.- Very nice.
- Before I knew it he had opened his eyes again, fixing them on me and plunging me straight into the icy depth of sadness that bruised his voice.- Another nice sentence. Could probably use a comma after "Before I knew it".
-My fingers clasped around some soft fabric and intrigued I pulled it out to find a tissue- This becomes a very important sentence, but it's kinda awkward. The "intrigued" word would work better if it was separated by hyphens. "My fingers clasped around some soft fabric, and-intrigued-I pulled it out to find a tissue." Either that or separate it with commas.
-I still remember the first time I saw her. I will always remember that day.- After I read this I was like okay, wait, what's going on here? Then I saw we had switched POVs. I think you should put some sort of break to make it clearer, and not just have it as if it's still the girl talking.
-Patches of twilight falling softly on her face, she was crying besides a little stream.- *beside
-It’d always annoyed my dad, who before the diagnosis had resorted to everything from singing lessons to speech therapy to be more talkative.- I had to read this several times before I understood what you were trying to say. It reads as if it's the dad who is taking the singing lessons and speech therapy to make his own self more talkative.
-to the soft, fresh scent of the snow drops floating up from my finger’s- "fingers" doesn't need an apostrophe.
GREAT ending! I couldn't help but smile when I read it, which is kinda strange considering how sad it is. It's like a happy-sad ending. Bittersweet.
I love the imagery in this. You did a great job painting the scene and using it as its own emotion. It set the mood for this entire story. It was perfect to use the winter atmosphere.
This story seems very real, which makes it even sadder. This kinda stuff really happens. It's written in such a way that I wonder if perhaps it is personal, that you have experienced something similar to this.
I like how, at the end of this, we return to the beginning, and we hear the same dialogue, and see the same scene, but with a different director. Very cool.
I understand that Will didn't talk much, and he was 'mysterious', but I still never really felt the two characters' connection. I would've liked to have seen more interaction between the two, even if it isn't through words. The first half of this lacked personality, and Lilly seemed a bit two-dimensional to me. I really felt as if I got to know Will in the second half of this, though, despite the shortness of our meeting. He writes in a very melancholy, gloomy way.
This would have been so wicked if like the girl had never thought to reach into the pocket, and had never read the letter. That would've been so messed up.
This is a good, though. It's very sad, yet we have a smile on our face at the end, even though we know he's going to die. That's a great job on your part to present us with these wide range of emotions, and make us feel two opposites simultaneously.
| EmbersAblaze-IgnitedIcicle 10/24/05 . chapter 1
This has both "taken" so much from me at this moment (intellectually, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally) that I cannot review this properly...
Yet I did review, and will post a link to this story, for all it has also "given";
This could be better than an entire book. Entirely!
| Aslan Israel 10/21/05 . chapter 1
Brilliant writing, but that's so sad.
| Aquafied 10/17/05 . chapter 1
that is one of my most beautiful stories i have ever read in my .
truly astonishing, i am tempted to erase every single one of my favorites and put:this is beautiful, this is truly the .
| Ebony Stars 10/16/05 . chapter 1
I will review your technique/format/writery stuffs later and give you a critical comment. But as i don't have I lot of time now, my initial reaction is 'LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT' :D
| Sarah-Brighteyes 10/15/05 . chapter 1
I dont think any one can read this piece and not leave with out a tear slipping through.
This was a very powerful emotion piece. It captured love and friendship and a deep rooted relationship that was being torn in half... and wow. I will have to say this is topping my lists of favorites of your citrus.
Imagery in this piece was top notch. Your descriptions of their special place was perfect. I could sense the familiarity, peace, and ties that you brought to the characters in this. Excellent use of vivid imagery.
I also enjoyed the characterization here. I think Will was very unique... he was quiet and yet spoke so much through his actions. I like characters like that. Lilly was equally placed.
Your split POVs were a great touch. I enjoyed the dual play of the scene. The final touch of I LOVe you was beautiful. I think I havent read a piece that really made me ache in so long and this just touched me in the right spot. *smile* bravo to a well written piece Citrus. Bravo.
| poetic abortion 10/15/05 . chapter 1
this was painful at times to read. the emotions are so evident and conveyed in such a real way. it's beautiful.
| Thorn's-girl 10/15/05 . chapter 1
OMG, this is insane. Its so sad, so tender, touching and beautiful all at the same time, it makes me want to cry. You captured Lily and Will and bound them up in winter, and I love it. I realize that I say "love' too much, but this...I love. Its perfect and unforgettable.