Interesting and written well to keep me entertained.

"The pale, sickly moon peered timidly from behind a thatch of clouds in the murky night sky above a small town" This seemed a bit long. I think it was the last phrase. Maybe add a full stop.

"her head turned sharply with every moment to turn in the directions she had neglected to check for a while" I think you write 'turn' too many times.

I agree with the above coment, it is like watching the story, you use atmosphere effectivly.

wow... almost like i was watching the story, while in the story~~ sorry, not very ariticulate today>< anyhows~ good work

keep writing!