FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Unforgettably-Uniquely Me 2008-06-09 ch 1,  | abuseOnce again, nice work. I could easily see this as being a song - Will the wind keep blowing? Will my breath keep coming? Nice, all of it. I enjoyed reading this, though it did make me think about some things...thought provoking! Great. Again, nice work with this. |
| she's not breathing 2005-10-19 ch 1, | abusei really really don't wanna undermine what made you write this, so i apologize in advance if i say something caustic in the course of this review. the repetition is good - asking if the wind will keep blowing and your breath keep coming. at least it wasn't something so cliché as "will i keep breathing" (ugh). and the wind blowing is like something that's always been happening and will keep happening, something out of everyone's control. which is a nice image, because, again it's not the blatant cliché of "will the world keep turning". besides for that, though ... i'm not quite sure why you wanted to rhyme the first two lines of every stanza, since it makes it read like they don't fit together and you went and wrote a line and then just wrote another to rhyme instead of writing an idea and breaking it in half. and i don't think this poem really had an ending point. it just keeps on going and going. but yes. i really don't mean to criticize this - i mean i don't know why you wrote it or anything but i guess it'd be because it actually happened, the love lost thing, and now i'm really sorry if you took offence anywhere. i didn't have a right to critique it like that. ~k8 |
| Faithless Juliet 2005-10-19 ch 1, | abuseRaw emotions; a wonderful piece, keep up the good work. Much love,Juliet. |