Superb work. I love it when poems do more than tell a story. This piece says something, with force but not forcefully. I especially like the line "Star-swept periwinkle crumpled into a desperate spray of cerulean." It's nice that you have such a flexible vocabulary and are able to use it so effectively. Yet you don't drown the piece in large words and abstractions. This is definitely one of the better poems I have seen in a while! I must say I am certainly pleased to meet another poet who I have already grown to respect greatly. And so young as well!

Perfect.

it sounds good until the end. the last few lines sound somewhat eerie. it just doesn't go well with the rest of the poem. try to redo the last few lines and make it smoother and more connected

This was good, if only because you aren't childish until the end. The last three lines are totally unnecessary and silly. It's like: Squalor. Ok. You don't have to be so literal. The rest was good.