FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Moppish 2005-11-25 ch 1,  | abuseSpectacular job on rhyming with this poem. I love the rhyming scheme. Just a few suggestions:1. "And the victim meets its gray doom," There are too many sylables in this phrase. Either that or the accent is on the wrong word, so try rephrasing it a little bit. 2. "The wound cries out a flood,And out come lakes of blood,And shall drown in the flood,"The first line doesn't really make sense... the second line is fine... and the third line doesn't make sense at all AND you already used the word "flood". So try to rework that little section. I love the ending line though. |
| mizu no kokoro 2005-11-06 ch 1, | abusewow, a small intriguing vampire story in poetry form~ nicely done! keep writing! |
| DarkPharaoh1666 2005-11-03 ch 1, | abuseExcellent write. Vampires give you so much to work with, dont they? |
| Arwen Starfire 2005-10-28 ch 1, | abuseAwesome poem, the imagery is very vivid. Perfect for this time of year. |
| Rozlin 2005-10-27 ch 1, | abuseabsolutely haunting! |