  Ascidiella 2006-02-17 . chapter 18 I really like your stories and your character development in them. For this one, I like the idea of the graphic novel, but when I tried to envision this in a 12 panel per page form (or do you mean for each panel to have its own page?), I think that you might have too much going on per panel. For graphic novels/comics scripts, you have to give more of the story to the picture, and only so much dialogue can be put into each panel... I can imagine it makes it annoying to try to type up the story though, since you'd have to break everything up!
So for your first panel in this chapter, if I were drawing it, I could have it be a whole page in itself, and not necessarily limited to a certain number of panels in a page -that can make a comic seem more dynamic, depending on the placement of panels, different sizes or shapes of panels:
First panel: Bryn and Chay are still at the table, talking and smiling, and it seems darker outside.
2nd panel: Zoom in closer to the two -Chay slightly frowning (confused/curious?), and Bryn looking surprised.“So why me?”“What?”
3rd panel: Zoom in just on Chay. Maybe Chay looks down, a bit shy.“Why did you decide to ask me out, of all people?”
4th panel: Flashback sequence, with dialogue set off in a different kind of "bubble" to show that. Bryn's back is to us, and he and the viewer is looking into the main room where Chay is doing work.“Oh, um, well, I was at your place with Jason once a while ago, and, well, you were there in the main room doing homework.
5th panel: Flashback, maybe just a pretty picture of Chay working."I don’t think you noticed me at all, cause you never looked up, but I just thought you were so beautiful…I’m surprised your brother didn’t catch me staring at you…"
6th panel: Flashback, Chay looking animated, sitting with another guy who's maybe laughing, surrounded by books."Then when I was there another time you were studying with a guy, I think Jason said his name is Scott? Well, I caught some of your conversation, and you just seemed, well, lively and like no girl I’ve ever met, really."
7th panel: Out of flashback, back to Bryn maybe looking shyly up at Chay, or just zoomed to Bryn looking shyly up at viewer."You had a sort of no-nonsense sort of vibe to you that I really liked, kinda like your brother, but unlike him you, well, you show yourself to people, but you’re careful about it. I like that about you.”
Just something to keep in mind if you had plans to someday collaborate with someone to actually make your comic! I'm not a professional by any means, but I have a little experience in making comics and working with someone else who wrote the script. Thanks for writing so many interesting stories and dooming me to procrastinate so much reading them! I look forward to your next update. |
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