|Reviews for Over the Weekend|
| IndigoNightandRayneStorm 2/26/07 . chapter 8
This story was amazing. I loved the ending.
| IndigoNightandRayneStorm 2/20/07 . chapter 4
OMG! Pink hair, thats amazing! Pink hair is hott, about the only place pink is good I think. But yay! Love it!
| IndigoNightandRayneStorm 2/20/07 . chapter 3
Hahahaha! I love it! Go Tison!
| IndigoNightandRayneStorm 2/20/07 . chapter 2
Lol, I love it!
| IndigoNightandRayneStorm 2/20/07 . chapter 1
Oh, good start! On to chapter two!
| failte200 1/12/07 . chapter 7
Aw... that was... NOT satisfactory. I mean - it was good, the problem is solved, we can see that they're gonna get together... and I suppose it was "realistic" - the way it would really go down, were it real people... but...
Tyson shoulda spilled. Or Senith. SOMEBODY should have spilled their guts - or had Ray do it for them! THAT would have been satisfying. Sigh. This Ray guy is fascinating - all the time, what he was REALLY concerned about was the welfare of his best friend. He coulda been a bit more forthright in letting poor Tison (Mr. Angst) know that he thought Tison would be better for him than that girl was...
Well, good story, anyway (I still have the epilogue to go). Coulda been better. You built up the angst to this pinnacle - then just sort of mosey'd back down, rather than jumping off. I'll be checking your other stories, though. See ya 'round. :)
| failte200 1/12/07 . chapter 6
About damn time!
I'm glad the next chap is waiting for me to click on it. If I were reading this when you posted it - and having to wait god knows how long for the rest of the story - I'd be SO pissed!
Yeah. I'm into it. :)
| necro-phil 11/20/06 . chapter 8
/ The Epilogue Review /
Although I must say that seeing Tison and Sennith was totally unpredictable (sarcasm)... I really found it confusing how you swithced the First Person Narrative to Sennith... allthough, I also have to say that everything that is finally being portrayed by Sennith's character IS, infact, hot!
Holy shit, man. Um, I am thinking that you are going to have to make a more 'uncensored' version of what their relationship is like more into the furture! Now THAT would be something to read!
Alright... all in all, I must say that this short story was something close to amazing! It was totally capturing and very cute! You have managed to create characters that really portray real emotion of the typical youth life of some of the homosexual community! It is really amazing!
I am really happy that I found this pice of work. Now that I am done reading it, I can say that it has truely made my day!
| necro-phil 11/20/06 . chapter 7
Um... this is the CH7 here.
... and what the hell is going on?
It really makes me sad to know that Tison is kicking himself over something that he really didn't but DID want to become involved with. I really don't know what to say aside from the simple fact that this was rather depressing and sad. :(
What is even worse is that you have him have to go home to his evil aunt of doom! C'mon, who in theior right mind would not run away from someone that demonic? Once again you are building up the sense of depression and unhappiness... which is sucky.
*keep in mind that if you have accomplished for me to feel this, then the writing critirea is beyond amazing!*
OH wow... for some reason I feel as though it totally would have been appropriate to have the actualy conflict between Tison and Ray turn into something serious. EX) Have them actually fall into a fist fight here Sennith did something about it... or something. Although the extremem build in tension that you have there with Ray and Tison is quite entertaining.
BAh! The ending to this chapter makes me want to call MY boyfriend... shit. Wow... thus far you have accomplished some amazing things here.
/ more will be in the epilogue review /
| necro-phil 11/20/06 . chapter 6
' I wish that smile was for me.' - Aw, now this is showing some of the more sentimental and more cuteness part of the lust that Tison has for Sennith. It is simple, yet it really shows a tremendous amount of emotion and depth.
Ha! ahaha... wow! Well I think the simple fact that you might have this part (the part where Senith has his finger on Tison's mouth to hush him) is totally something I would randomly do to someone! I love it! It is very appropriate and you are finally showing a little bit more depth into Sennith's character!
'She growls, switching to Evil Mode.' - What is this? This is simple brilliance! I love how you have this in here. Although you are not being suddle about, it suits her character too too well! Good good stuff right here.
O-M-F-G! How could you even do that to Tison! That is simply devastating to even think that Ray could do something that would cause so much commotion! Then again, who am I to tell if he wouldn't... I mean, he is YOUR character, is he not? My stomach just dropped when everything happened... and it happened so fast... and I think that it might have happened too fast... my god!
'It’s hard to run and cry at the same time.' - Although I am going to have to say this is a depressing ending to this epic chapter here, it is so amazing that you chose it!
| necro-phil 11/20/06 . chapter 5
I think that it is great that you have this little confrontation with Tison and Ray. Although for the most part they seem to be a little bit in confliction, here it shows that there might be something more going on between them (no I do not mean sexually). I mean that although they may bicker and what not about one another, I think that they are somewhat growing into a more mature state of being around one another... yeah?
'I jump. Ray’s watching me from the doorway, an incredulous smile twitching at his lips.' - WTF just happened here! Now you are really portraying a sense of needy neivety. It is almost heart-throbbing to know how dumb Tison is acting! I think that he is simply asking for someone to pummel his head into a wall. MY god... but you know, you are really setting this up quite nicely!
- and then he almost denies it! Wow... I am speechless!
“Tison wants to play.” - Bah! Holy crap! I must say that this is just something way to funny and great. Ho could he do something like this to him? Although I feel sympathy for Tison (slightly) I can't help but feel that he is being a little bit childish and needy, therefore I don't care.
What has happened at the end of this chapter?
I am totally confused as to what is REALLY going on. I mean everything kind of went a little more on the chaotic side... more or less, out of no where. I am a little bit confused as to what is going on. [is this one of Talia's plans to make Tison and Senith closer?]... dun dun DUN!
| necro-phil 11/9/06 . chapter 4
There you go again, making things even more awkward. Holy shit... it is good stuff though I have to admit! (I am talking about having both of them (being Tison and Ray) stuck in the same room!)... damn you. Although I am going to have to admit that the way that you have everything played out, really does make Tison seem like a bit of a drama-queen and he acts a little immature in his immediate responses to some things... which is cute.
There you have it again. The wonderful conversation on the computer... I don't know what it is about that... it really gives me some more insight into the situation on a whole other level. WONDERFUL!
"I’m obsessed with this sandy-haired boy. Just this morning I didn’t even know who he was, and now I’m at his house, unable to take my eyes off of him and secretly plotting with his sister behind his back on how to get him to notice me." - Hey, you know... shit like that happens... I mean I know that I plat against peopels and behind their backs just so I can have the satisfaction of knowing that they paid mroe attention to me... it is quite lame, I must admit.
I can see why you may not like this chapter... although I kinda of like. Stil good!
ciao - - -
P.S. Pink hair dye is the SHIT! I dyed my hair that color once!
| necro-phil 11/9/06 . chapter 3
Sorry if I seem like a creep, I am normally do this as a critic for my friends stories, so I am going to have to do this for yours as well...
"I’m abnormally self-conscious of myself;" - Se! what I had said in the previous comment in CHP. 2, is answered right here... it makes it that much more cute!
"...as he drags me into a short pseudo-hug." - WTF! As if you are doing that tot Tison! Wow... you are really building something up here, aren't you? This is some INTENSE shit! lol
It is a shame that he is DID happen to act that way in the household of the very person that is being a friend to him, as well as the other person that he likes. It WAS a bit of an over-reaction, but I really think that it helps give some insight into the character.
There always comes a point where I feel like this in a story, and this annoying little bitch happened to catch this emotion from me: " “Oh. Oh, well, that’s just…” She nods some more, forcing an even wider smile. “That’s interesting.” " - Oh really? How about I just slap you 'till you bleed?
"And because Brianna’s a dirty skank." - I am ever so glad that there is someone that agrees with that aside from the protagonist.
I also must say that I really love how you are showing the comparisons in the family by using the 'sandy-colored hair'... it is really interesting, and very much showing great imagery!
Alright, now I must mention that if I may seem like a bit of a creeper, I really do apologize, just this is the way that I comment on alot of stories, and there is alot that rusn through my head when I read this... it is A GREAT piece of work here.
I really love how you have the internet convo. part on your story! It makes it that much more interesting, it is really fascinating! Even adding in some humor and everything, it is brilliant, because you are really lightening up the mood inspite of the situation at hand!
ciao - - -
| necro-phil 11/9/06 . chapter 2
I am hooked!
It is great that you already have Tison going over to their house! I mean, it realyl kind of just builds on inadvertant suspense. (Although, I must admit, it IS happening a little fast, but HEY, that is what it making this whole thing more cute, non!)
Alright, so I think that having the whole rain effect is brilliant, only because it really shows how Tison really like to look in front of the people he likes, and not only that, it is great that he have him change into Senith's clothes... it really shows... hm, right word... right word... some iront perhaps. I am not going to bother explaining I am using my SPARE time and it is almost lunch time!
But, man, I am going to be reading this ALL the time... WHOA!
ciao - - -
| necro-phil 11/9/06 . chapter 1
Bah! My god that is so fucking cute! It is so typically the very stereo-typical, but real, drama that really happens in schools! I love it!
Luckily I found you on my friends (snyffles) fav's stories, or whatever, 'cause holy shit, mate, I am really liking the story that you have coming along! It is something that every person kinda thinks up in their head, and you managed to have it in narrative writing, and I must say, it is at its best!
*adds to fav's*
Ciao - - -