Okay, good chapter, are you going to continue it though? I hope you do! Can't wait to see what happens next to Magami.

Interesting prologue, I love the names you use...unusual and nice sounding as at the same time. Anyway...

nice smooth begnning but something bugs me a little, since the prologue is written in first point view i expect the rest to be the same way? becareful with how you describe the scenerys in first point view. it's real easy to forget to put more some descriptions in.

is the main character a japanese girl or something? i noticed that her name was the only oriental like name in the story. if not, you might want to consider about changing a little. but then again, that's always the author's choice.

Onward.