as much as i love this story i HATE that calin died i feel it could of had a bigger impact with him living. Havent read the second yet so ill see how that goes not sure im as excited though since calin died and i guess id hope that with all the magic darian has he'd be able to bring him back

amazing!

Calen can't be dead! You said that he was to have a son! (Which is odd in it's self. A gay guy having a son.)

What are you planning?
If you bring him back, your last paragraph becomes invalid.

~The Critic, Zoa

*rolls eyes* He knows he's in love with Darian, but he doesn't know who he dreams about?
Talk about idiots.

You've made Calen the perfect uke, havent you.

~The Critic, Zoa

*smirk* I liked that little show of power. Perfectly justified disposal.

~The Critic, Zoa

Wow. So much has happened in such a short time.

I like:
1. The plot is amazing. I rarely know what to expect.

I didn't like:
1. Calen is 18. He's a man, yet you've him acting like a little boy. He's afraid of Darian, who's not much older than himself. It's like reading about a 12-year-old.
2. You're not using imagery.

O_O Wasn't expecting that...

Hm... Is his magic gone forever, or is it just being sealed?
We'll see.

When's Darian going to step in?

~The Critic, Zoa

Hell yes! *jumps around laughing*

And THAT'S how they meet. I wonder how this will unfold.

~The Critic, Zoa

Interesting. We're finnally getting somewhere.

*frowns* I wonder...

You only discribed the man's eyes. *glares* It makes things very frustraiting.

~The Critic, Zoa

*mouth twitches into a smile* Okay, I'm completely with Darian on the brainless twit comment (though I could take that offensively).
You've made some interesting fangirls. Why? *snorts* Why you have to torture him I'll never know.

~The Critic, Zoa

Wow. Time-skip.
*frowns* You didn't really do this very well. I'm still used to the 13-year old Calen, I have no clue about the 17-year-old one.
Again, you didn't mention what he looks like. He probably has a beard by now.

~The Critic, Zoa

You've beautifully captured Darian here.
His heart has been torn to pieces, but he keeps going in loyalty for his father. A truely selfless individual.

I'm awfully curious where Calen comes into this picture.
Slave and Master... Things to think about.

You know, if I was in Calen's places, I'd get the mayor & the priest to spread the rumor that I had died.
*tilts head* That would help. If he was 'dead' then no more assassins would come.

~The Critic, Zoa

How could trained assassins, who KNOW that someone's after them, let their guard down?! The idiots!

*cries*

~The Critic, Zoa

You know... I haven't even asked where Slave and Master comes in. Does that mean that Calen will get sold as a slave?

Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, etc. *continues chant*.

*stops 'damning' and winces* Let's get this over with. *grabs a box of tissues*

~The Critic, Zoa

I like the way the patroler found nothing memoriable about the fight. It brings a mortal feel to everything.

So one of the twins is to die, and we know it can't be Calen. Damn it all.

-

At least the feifdom accepts that it's lord swings for guys. That's one thing that'll make things smoother.

*cries silently* You sure like killing people, don't you? *swallows* It must mean that the ending will be all the sweeter.

~The Critic, zoa