FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Julius Gillian 2005-11-05 ch 1,   | I admire the way you try to pull your character through with description, however the true climax of your story can't be reached because of a few worms here and there. And what I mean by that is, well, in the first few lines there are spelling errors, grammical errors and that'll cost you big time. 'It’s mostly dark, except for the light' I think that needs to be revised a little ^^; Anyway in a nutshell you kept this short and descriptive. I liked how you used an eclipse at the end of this chapter, it shows what the character is awakening to; or learning as the story ends. Good job on that, but for further notice I suggest ya try spell checking before you post your workings :) - ShadowEver |