Nice! I like stories that just jump into the action, it gets the reader a dose of adreneline and pulls them in. Sadly i don't see a chapter 2 and would like to read more, becasue I'm about to start work on a story similar to it. This id good by my standards, you daid it may need some work, I was only thrown off some by the convulsing and some things parts seemed like they shouldn't be there: The next they were sliding out the back of the house so quick, you would think they were on fire, -and there was a lake in back of the manor-. U didn't mention the lake again in the chapter so i'd take it out, but this was great. I hope u can check out my work also,