It looks like you have a very strong foundation for your story here. The plot thus far is intriguing and lively, but your style could use some minor brush-ups. For one thing, there are minor typos that your spellcheck won't have picked up on (One I caught right away was "grandmothers' " should be "grandmother's", because I believe you are only speaking about one grandmother, not multiple grandmothers.) Your other stylistic problems deal with tense and narrative POV. Now, it is acceptable, if uncommon, to switch between first-and-third person narrations, but there should be some sort of pagebreak in between if you must do that. However, after reading this chapter carefully a couple of times, it seems to me like the voice of your character could be best portrayed if you stuck with a purely first-person narrative. The other issue here is with tense. Again, switching between present and future tense *can* be done, but in this case I'd say it detracts from the story more than adding to it. You have two instances where you switch tense here: One is between paragraphs, and I think it would strengthen it to choose one consistent tense, but if you insist on switching, again I'd suggest pagebreaks. The second is within the same sentence (Example: "Maarse wakes with a jerk, her eyes are puffy like she had been crying". Here the tenses are not so much incorrect as awkward. Try something more along the lines of "Maarse wakes with a jerk, eyes puffy as though with tears," or "Maarse woke with a jerk, eyes puffy with signs of crying". Somehow the sentence you hae just doesn't quite sit well.)

Aside from tense, there are several sentences that seem to wander away from you. They switch focus so many times that I'm lost reading them. One example is "Far from exited however as she made her way to the deck she remembered leaving, just as their ship was sailing out of the harbor something caught fire, another ship, the people on the boat became twisted shadows their screams echoed through the night and barrage after barrage of fire arrows hit the burning ship, illuminating for just a moment the insignia on the archers armor" Aside from a minor typo (I believe exited is meant to be excited), this sentence just confuses me. I'm not even sure that I understand what the sentence is about, but I will try to take a stab at making it a little less awkward. I apologize if I don't have the meaning of the sentence correct, but it is a little ambiguous the way it's written. Try rearranging punctuation to split into multiple sentences: "Far from excited, however, as she made her way to the deck, she remembered another departure. Just as their ship was sailing out of the harbor something caught fire. It was another ship, the people on the boat becoming twisted shadows, their screams echoing through the night air. Barrage after barrage of fire arrows hit the already burning ship, illuminating for just a moment the insignia on the archers armor."

I'm not sure if you like my attempt at a re-write; you might not, and that's fine. It's just one suggestion, but there are many ways you could rewrite that sentence and several other sentences that need a bit of revisiting.

Alltogrther, I think this story has absolutely wonderful potential. You clearly have a creative mind, and I think you just need to pay a little more attention to basic stylistic principles and in due time you'll surely be a superb writer. If you can manage to gain a firmer understanding of literary style I think you could indeed become a published writer some day, for you certainly are not lacking in creativity.

I love stories about ships, so I really liked this beginning. Nice writing.