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| Snowy Road to Hazard 2005-12-07 ch 1,   | Great descriptions...i really like this...good job... |
| Gilee7 2005-11-14 ch 1, | I decided to review you even though you gave me such a crappy review. "I liked this, especially in comparison to some of your others" and yet that was the only one you reviewed. It would've been nice if you would've at least reviewed whatever other pieces you read. Well, anyways ... on to this review ... -Two people sit in a small room, with walls of concrete.- You don't need a comma there. -The other is cloaked in black, boots, jeans, and a trench coat.- I'm guessing you meant to say that the boots, jeans and trench coat were all black. Correct? That isn't the way it reads, though. How about: "The other is cloaked in all black, black boots, black jeans, and a black trench coat." Eh, I don't know about that particular sentence. But you should definitely reword it from the way you have it now. -The dark one watches dully, eyes dully laughing with a disconnected amusement- Sometimes repitition of a word can be done for stylish reasons, but there is nothing stylistic about that sentence. Don't use "dully" twice. Seek a thesauraus and find a synonym. Avoid using the same words over and over and over to describe things. This piece is very weird, and I'm not totally sure what was going on. I picture two druggies smoking dope and cutting theirselves. LOL. That's what I saw. Your descriptions are systematically detailed, and you describe the events in a very dazed way, so that whatever is happening seems ambiguous and meaningful. I don't know what else to say ... |
| st. maverick 2005-11-13 ch 1, | Ah... another fine review by the Maverick-mister. And yet you never review mine. Maybe you should. Hint. Hint. Anyway, I really liked this piece. The tone... it was good. I could identify with it -- at least, my own interpretation. The imagery is...ah, nigh on perfect. Really, I loved it. You did really well with this one. [TMH] |
| nothing*to*See 2005-11-13 ch 1, | I didn't really get it...but i liked the way you clearly described everything. Veryvery nice. :-) |