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| maxnotevoltage 2006-03-01 ch 2,   | Ouch. This isn't looking so promising for Aubrey and Sam... haha. I would be running for my life right about now. Technical comments: There... are none. I have a hard time paying attention to technical details when I'm enjoying a story. Three cheers, and onward to the next chapter! God bless -- J.max |
| maxnotevoltage 2006-03-01 ch 1, | Haha - that end dialogue was great! You're really good at creating tension, ya know? I'm liking this story so far. The dialogue is realistic, and the story has a lively pace. Though I am slightly confused with all the characters and names, but I suppose the confusion shall clear up in time... God bless! -- J.max ::reading on:: |
| B. S. Armstrong 2005-12-06 ch 1, | That was a well done chapter...I just cant figure out which of your stories comes first so maybe you'll want to change that. Anyways, whatnks for the review, and I hope to be able to look at some more of your stuff later on. |
| Ryustorm 2005-11-13 ch 1, | Okay, it looks promising but i noticed a few problems. i'm trying to go for the helpful critisims thing so don't get me wrong. at the begining when i first started i found myself getting confused as there was a mass jargon of names attached to nothing distinctive. e.g. Aubery has red hair or that sort of thing. i didn't really know who was who, which is noraml for the begining of the book, but you still need them to be a little more memorable. i liked the fact it got better and more clear as i read on. another note, although conversations get the plot going, they are hard to write in a way that grabs the reader's attention so in the begining set the scene a little bit more. I hope that is of some help.thanks for reviewing my Happiness.Ryu |