FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Ky-Ky Apocalypse 2005-12-31 ch 1,  | abuseDark and beautiful. I liked the third and fourth stanzas the best. |
| catseyeview 2005-11-17 ch 1, | abuseexcellent imagery throughout - esp. liked "Save the touch-me nots, who shrivel under, The black disturbance, like a homeless man below dark clouds" |
| youzi 2005-11-15 ch 1, | abusei like the opening line..."All morning the tree has been crying" because it sets the atmosphere (for want of a better word), pre-empting a certain gloominess. also like the dove image and how you link it skilfully (as opposed to blatantly) to the idea of peace. could b a misreading here on my part, but i cant help but think of sth apocalyptic at this pt in the poem..then i also wonder about the cautiousness of "The field is glistening enough" and the interesting line-breaks (makes me focus on "enough"..is tt the intention?). i found the homeless man under dark clouds thing a teeny bit cliched (dunno why though, so prob it isnt cliched. i just seem to have seen it before somewhere else). Most of your pieces i've read so far have a certain spiritual (??!!) quality to them that may/may not be related to ur religion (i'm in no position to speculate so i shant elaborate) and it's very fascinating because you seem to always keep it subtle.hmm.oh and i think i really like the placement of "nature" images alongside arbitrary (??) things like "exorcism".you prob realise by now tt of course i don't completely understand the poem...but i enjoyed it nonetheless. hope my excessive ramblings havent already scorched your corneas, or sth. do keep writing! ~pam |
| Ohmm 2005-11-15 ch 1, | abusethe short sentences and enjambement at impact. good job! |
| really 2005-11-13 ch 1, | abuseAh, she likes fourth stanza the most. Very polished. |
| hey maria 2005-11-13 ch 1, | abuseEloquent and so beautiful. I love this. |