Well, obviously I'm a few years late to offer a critique or anything useful. Haha. Boy, this brings back memories. Not necessarily good memories, but memories nonetheless. My mom went over most of my college app essays and pointed out a few changes. Then my dad went over them and made me rewrite half of everything.

It's funny because there are so many points in here where I go, "That was me, you stalker!" Well, anywho, I'm glad to see (according to your profile) that you successfully entered college and are now turning your writing talents toward pure entertainment for us story-starved masses.

Reserve the right to be weird at all times!

A fellow occasional loner/bookworm in the shadows,

Rokhi

...I'm a paper-sniffer too. I love stationery stories/ailes, generally "windowshop" for paper/pen supplies.

:)It was refreshing to read your words, recognizing traits as my own! Also, your writing is quite entertaining.

You are an awesome writer and I look forward to reading everything you've written :)

i truly enjoyed reading this and hope your other work is as good as this one is.

wow. i know i'm a tad bit too late with this review, but i just read all of Insert Foot and i figured i'd check out what else you have.

this is amazing! you really have a way with words! i'm starting my sophomore year at North Carolina State University on wednesday, but i remember back when i was applying, the hardest "essay" question (if you could really call it that -- they only allowed you up to 200 words, i believe) was "what is one challenge you've had to face?" i actually had a good answer for that... the death of a family member... but i had friends get in just because they were like, "oh, i'm shy. its hard to make friends when you're shy." i'm sure in good ol' north cakalacky, if you'd have turned this in with your application, they'd have given you a full ride and a free place to live. gosh, they'd probably have just let you become an english teacher. not to say that nc state or any of the north carolina schools (unc and duke... whoa, buddy. now THERE'S a school) are... uh dumb, for lack of a better word, but i just don't think they're used to seeing many people apply with an IQ over 70. haha.

so i completely forgot where i was going with this, but i think you're a pretty cool girl. all those people who thought you were a weirdo really missed out on an awesome person.

i hope college is/will be going good for you, depending on when you start/started. whatever. :)

I did get in but I'm not sure if I'm going.

Hey - woah. I frequently see your name on fictionpress and was ecstatic to see that you applied to U of Chicago this year. I applied as well, but based my essay on the "mind that does not stick" prompt.

I have to ask this: Did you get accepted? If so, are you going?

I promise to read this tomorrow and leave a review about it - my eyes are killin' me.

McQuinn

O my god, I'm going to have to be doing this soon. You've probably slaved over this or hours and hours to get it just right. I think its very refreshing. I think they'll like it because you had a unique way of showing your qualities through honesty and just entertainment (it that makes any sense). I hope you get accepted, and if it were up to me I would accept you!

Wow, that was really well written. We're in awe of you, please write our college essays! You're amazing. Lurvvee ya gurl.

i don't know... you seem to focus on your uncertainty, but i cant see that in your manner of writing. you seem pretty sure about urself in spite of the fact you keep saying otherwise.

I definitely do the try-to-like-band thing! That was my favorite part of the essay :D

On a more serious note, however, I don't know how wise to write like this for a college essay. It's okay to say you're insecure and a bit of a loner, but in the same way that you probably exaggerated those aspects of your personality, maybe you should also do a little more bragging. :) Take my advice with a pinch of salt though, because I'm in the same boat as you and struggling with my application essays (I'm not some experienced college student!)

Wow, good essay. I have to start writing my college essays soon, and I never know what to write about. Very good!!

If you can sum yourself up in a paragraph, then why write a whole paper about it?

Sorry, that was my first thought. Its random, and sort've rude, but I dont feel like erasing it.

1. At least your honest.2. It's better than college essays I've seen (Ok, so Ive only seen a few, and thats from my brother whom I dont have high standards for anyway)3. GO U OF C.

Sorry again. That third one doesnt matter. I dont even really know a lot about U of C, except this one lady at work last summer went there.

Um yeah. If they judge you on how you write, then you're a shoe-in. If they judge you on your self-image, you're not such a shoe-in.

The end.

wow, this is a kick ** essay. if i could write like you, i wouldnt have and 82 in enlish! lol. maybe you shoudl tutor me in writing, ive got this HUGE english project coming up and i have to write a 3-5 chapter novel. it doesn't sound like a lot, but my teacher will pick it apart to the bone and find out every little thing wrong with it, so i have to be extra careful...

well, good luck with your essay, i liked it a lot!

-ash

I just closed the window by mistake after almost finishing a really long review!! *Growls*

Right. Start again.

I love the poem at the beginning, I don't know whether you put that in or whether you were given that but I like it.

I'm gonna organise this review into paragraphs corresponding with your paragraphs so I make sense. (it doesn't happen often!)

Paragraph one (After the one in bold): Nice first sentence. Facts kept concise, which is great. Not boring.

Paragraph 2: Nice positive spin, and you can see your honesty coming through. And your little spark that's in all your writing. And the humour.

Paragraph 3: It's not nice being stuck with friends you don't like. And it is hard to get out, I know. Nice honesty again, not trying to make yourself sound great all the time, which is really nice to read.

Paragraph 4: Nice detail - really interesting to read. Again the honesty thing - Just carry that all the way through! I can't be bothered to say it each time.

Paragraph 5: "no one cares what bacteria does with its spare time" Hahahahahahahahaha. Your friends sound nice. Lovely writing style.

Paragraph 6: Yeah, I've got stories I wrote when I was six/seven. I understand and agree with everything you've said here, Lovely writing too.

Paragraph 7: I get it completely. Nice detail!

Paragraph 8: "I’m a rower through and through. I love being out on the water." Lovely phrasing. Nice inclusion of a different topic.

Paragraph 9: I love philip pullman. I like this paragraph the best I think - your personality really comes through.

Paragraph 10: Nice summing up.

Great piece of writing, I love it!! I would definitely accept it.

Keep writing!

hey! feedback:

ok, i obviously don't know much about entrance essays (i moved to canada where u dont have to do any of that... WOOHOO!), os if im way off in anything i say, pls pay it no mind.

first of all when u described urself as antisocial do u mean it as a loner or a a terrorist-type person? becuase well, anitsocial, in psyxhological temrs is just that... terrorist, someone thats against society blah blah... if u mean 'loner' then i think the term is 'asocial.'

now, to the essay. it sounds very honest, which is good. u talk about urself in a way that many wouldnt... ur aware of ur own situation, uve painted no pretty pictures that will blind with all the sparkles and glitter. but (oh, how it KILLS, that but!) u seem to focus too much on the sense on non-belongness, which if put simply is not a good thing to feel.

i would think, that u are trying, for lack of a better word, to sell urself. u want the uni. to pick u over all the other students that might have all the same characteristics as u... so u need to excell to be seen above the crowd. and even if the obvious honesty and thruthfulness of the essay is a good base... i just feel like something is missing.

im sorry if im being harsh, its just that, if ur writing is anything to go by, u deserve the best.

good luck! i hope u get in! (i dont know where u live, but i lived in chicago for 2 years and it a gorgeous city... its a great place where to spend 4 -> if not more