FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Gabriel Lyman 2005-11-14 ch 1,   | not bad. Its overall concept is good, could use a little work, but i can empathize with the ideals behind it. perhaps you could say "And leave you without rest" instead of a single rest. personally i think it makes more sense. Other then that, i like it, and you have a good thing going here. |