Reviews for Espoir - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Espoir - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

anti-climax 2007-04-18 ch 3,	Do you have spell-check? Because I see a whole plethora of spelling errors everywhere...again. Maybe you ought to type a little slower also :) ittle, destruciton is put inot aciton, Raitng, Aciton. And I haven't even begun the story. Interestingly enough, all of the words in question have 'i's in them. Please do check your spelling; it's an immensely important part of any story... Right, on to the chapter. Apprentice and scientist... 'His clothing was nothing special. A baggy pair of black slacks and a white coat that hung well past his knees.' You should not cut off the first sentence so abruptly IMO. Put it this way instead perhaps -- 'His clothing was nothing special, consisting of little more than a pair of baggy black slacks and a white coat which hung well past his knees. atitre, conducitng research on a geneitc mutaiton... '...scrutinizing gaze tore through their elegant clothing' Wow. I never thought a mere glance could reduce formal wear into shredded cloth. That would be an awesome ability for any pervert... Your writing and plot is fine by any standards but seriously, please do something about your spelling. It hurts to see so many words misspelled, to tell you the truth. :( In fact, it detracts quite badly from your story. Oh, and sorry about the long time it took for my to reply. Haven't been very free recently to visit FP...
xNathanialExplosionx 2007-02-11 ch 17,	Okay, it's pretty obvious your just a gay emo kid. All this story is is a bunch of emo gayness. Your characters are all despressed and it sounds to me like they're pretty insane. Plus, I couldnt even follow the majority of this story. It's too damn complicated. Look, this is fictionpress, it's not made for real thought-provoking crap. Come on, put on some guy clothes, cut your hair, and stop being emo. xNatex
anti-climax 2006-12-15 ch 2,	hey, thanks for the review on Vanguard! Glad you enjoyed it so far. Hm, first impressions; you seem to have a coherent plot and a whole lot of characters with no clear protagonist. I certainly hope you kill off some of them. Too many characters isn't a good thing IMO. The plot, well, it's good; understandable at the very least, exciting at certain points. You might want to check your spelling though, there are plenty of spelling errors littered around your story. Perhaps it is to be attributed to Fictionpress' Quickfix? I don't really know. You've certainly done a good job on the suspense bit though. Who are the Judges? What's up with the unidentified mass in space? Many questions could probably be asked, which is good. Well, a good job I say. I'll be reviewing more later =)
Darket 2006-11-04 ch 14,	Good chap here. I consider this this the most puzzling story I've ever read on FP, I'm definitelly having to read it again when I get it done. Peace, Love, Triangle Darket
Spirit Tigress 2006-10-31 ch 1,	I've gotta find out more about this project espoir 1 and these Judges! I'll be back and you're not the only one with a lot of work to do.
Cheeseraptor5 2006-10-31 ch 1,	Wow, this is long. Really, really long. But I really like how it has all started out, and I would love to see where you will go with it. So I'll be reading. (It may seem like it's taking me forever, but trust me, I'll be reading it)
Darket 2006-10-22 ch 13,	I liked it. It took a while to read it, but it was good. It's picking back up again!
Crash Ichimonji 2006-10-12 ch 2,	Takes a deep breath and exhales Ok, I don't mean to bash you for this, but I'm going to give you my honest opinion. This has Evangelion written all over, marinated into its pores, and shoved inside it. I'm sorry, but this is full of NGE ideas and concepts. I'm not going to bother reading on, unless you can honestly tell me there is a non-'We're trying to avoid a Third Impact-scenario using big robots/genetics projects with somehow special children against an unknown force that threatens mankind' plot going on here.
Darket 2006-09-20 ch 12,	this chapter turned out to be really good in the end. I'm still gonna finish this story, trust me. I promised I'd finish it. OSme chaps are good in the end, this is pretty well written too. I wish I could make long chaps like this. I'm gonna have to do that with Hyper War. I'll only make chaps that branch over 10-15 pages. Nice work, and thank you for the reviews. Peace Darket
Outlaw02 Extreme 2006-09-16 ch 2,	Hey there, Outlaw-2 here, well, I read the prologue and this chapter, so I'll split the review into two. The Prologue's review... Well, I have to say, the way you provided the basic understanding of what was occurring in the story was well-received. The part about the Judges was mysterious to me, and it really adds the excitement into the reader, good feature. However, the thing that lacked were the characters' features. You did put clues here and there, but it was a little vague....Chapter 1...Uhh... Ouch. I got lost at the start, but I managed to keep up when I re-read it once again. However, I was lost again when you shift the scene quite suddenly, and with another character. Also, the lack of character description makes the characters look vague once again. Also, there were some words like "relieved" was spelt wrong wrongly. You may need to check them again. This chapter had me very confused, but re-reading it several times ( I took at least 45 minutes to understand the whole chapter), I managed to grasp what was occurring. Well then, the prologue did attract me to read the story, but the first chapter sort of killed it. Don't worry, I'll try the second chapter before the magic fades away. Also, I did a sneak read of the latest chapter, and noticed the author's note you had. Well, I have a very unique policy; you can use all of my characters, but simply follow this rule. Keep the characters in character. Unique, eh? Anyway see you again down the road :P Sincerely, Outlaw-2, Member of The Phoenix Souls
Darket 2006-09-13 ch 11,	Thank you for the review, but I always pay back my reviews. Trust me on that. I've been busy lately and I forgot about this story. The chaps are alright, but they're so damn long and they eventually lose mah interest after while. BUt I still do read them. I'm glad you liked the Drifter and I didn't know that you even read. Subject One is only better than that story in terms of action. THe plot, characters, and dialogue are awful and all Matrix like--which is cheesy. Anyways, I promise to read the next chap after I get out of school today. Peace Darket
DarckRedd 2006-08-30 ch 2,	Now, the narrative is still pretty rough, but that's not a huge problem. The biggest flaw is that you tend to leave the apostrophe out of terms like didn't. The other big problem is infodumping. You tell me too much, you show very little. Try just getting rid of all the exposition about Kei, and see how it works. Chances are, the story will function fine without large explanitory segments. Another thing you tend to do is say 'a' instead of 'an'. Whenever the word 'a' is put before a word starting with a vowel (a, e, i, o, or u), it becomes 'an'. "Born in the United States, Bray had been the son of a young mother who wanted nothing less than a child. She'd given him to her parent's friends, a japanese couple who had returned to their homeland with the boy."This sentence confused me right out of my mind. You said that she wanted a child, then you turned around and said she gave them to her parent's friends. Huh? Ok, I'm probably coming off as pretty negative, and I'll come out right now and say I like this story. I especially like how you handel the Judges - beyond the fact that they wreck incredible havoc, we know nothing of them. It's a good start. By the way, Safehouse isn't really the right term. A Shelter or Bunker is more what you want. Safehouse generally means a normal house that is kept secret from anyone who might want to hurt the owner. You've introduced a bunch of characters, and I'm left wondering why. You generally want to get the plot moving a bit before introducing a bunch of people - things have barely begun, and I'm already being overwhelmed. In summary:Too much information! Too many characters!On the upside, the antagonists are interesting and I liked some of the characters, especially the girl and the teenage boy. Espoir is a cool name.
DarckRedd 2006-08-30 ch 1,	It's a good beginning. The narration is a bit rough in parts, but I've been subjected to much, much worse on Fiction Press. It's nice to read something semiliterate. It's hard to say much more at this point, so I'll read on.
Darket 2006-08-14 ch 9,	I do like this, but I'm reading too slow. In return I'll try to read a chap every morning. Thanks for reviewing CCU. That's one Im debating rather I should bring it back. I wrote the whole story in in one day on a massive Cocaine binge, so I don't think it would be as big if I brought it back working sober, lol. Thanks for the reviews man. Peace Darket
Why My Fic 2006-08-02 ch 1,	The story does have a very nice plot. And the points of veiw are similar to that of Lost (minus the flash backs) My personal favorite part was that of Kuris' story._ Please keep up the good work along with the points of view. There are a few mis-spelled, easy words you need to check out about seement three and four (my conscience is now clear of your review)

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