This story was really great! Ah, I don't know if you're expecting a whole list on how it could have been better, or how there were exactly 9 mistakes or whatever, but I think the story was wonderful, with all the details and everything. I really enjoyed the personalities of all the characters, and the view of hell. I also happened to read your Wandering Star story, and I just want to say I enjoyed them both. Please keep Writing!

Meh, weak ending. Good try though, I enjoyed the general of it.

Overall a nice read. Something as a little pick-me-up on a bad day...Still would have liked to see what happened to the others. Did they realize all that they had to be was 'sorry' and suddenly just left?

Did one of them think of pushing past the man and his door while Miguel was coming in so that he (or she) could escape into the hallway?

What is the significance of the five sevens?

That's all.

ps. Great idea of Hell. Will keep in mind.

Is this a short story, I wonder?

Anyway. Plot is still jumpy, and I'm getting used to the way you write this, however, I would like some effort on that part of it. Interesting twist with the priest, I wasn't expecting a child molester in here!

So points for that. Right. Will continue reading.

Boy do I feel stupid.

This is great! I like the whole idea here, but again, it's rushed, and has a lack of description. The emotion is getting across, but I'm losing it at certain points...Not sure how to describe it.

The ending of the chapter was abrupt. It's like you're cutting one big chapter up into little tiny pieces and posting them up, at least, that's what I get from the ending.

The lack of separation is killing me too. It would be nice if I had a little warning before BAM! I'm hit with somebody else's story before I know what I'm doing.

What I'm saying...Typos, I guess you could call it. Alright. I'm not so worried about it being religious anymore, but now I'm worried about it being some big political thing. (We are all connected to each other, and omigod, it's all connected to the war! GASP the war is awful!) And that leads on to big anti-war laments hidden inside people's dialogue.

(Not that I agree with the war)

Looking forward to 'ch'. 3. The only thing that's ruining it is all the small stuff and a jumpy, rushy plot.

I think that I would have been more interested if I had heard more about Adrian's life beforehand...But I have a good feeling that I'll learn about him soon.

I'm hoping that this won't be too religious...

Why are only those people in that room thing? And who was the guy who shut the door? And why am I finding it tempting to just walk away from this story?

I can answer that last one, which is rhetorical; because although you're trying to make this interesting, this is a little hard to read. Characters become blurry. Plot has been used. Chapter is short. (I KNOW it's an Intro, but still).

HOWEVER I'm still going to read because of the other questions which have been raised, and because people get angry at me when I stop reading because I don't like the beginning.

Looking forward to some sense!