short, sweet and to the point. everyone loves a happy ending!!

I don't want to bash you. I'm definately not the type to nit-pick on EVERYTHING (because god knows, I'm not perfect-haha), but I have some suggestions that i thought you could listen to so that you can improve your already great story line.

First, I would like to say, that it was a bit suspenseful, and it seemed that that was the atmosphere that you wanted to create.

BUT...There is ONE thing that is a bit unsettling about the piece. I know a lot of the occult and paganism, spiritualism, paranormal activity...basically any "weird." And your story, though the plot was beautiful, and your ideas flowed very well (they did jump around in some places, but I think you'll find after reading it more than once or twice, you will see that you use a lot of repitition, and the piece does not suggest that you know about the occult. Now, I know this was purely fiction, and I don't expect you to know EVERYTHING about ghosts, but I'm simply stating that IF you write a story on ghosts, you should research it first. Most pagans/witches hate fluffs, but they love a good horror story, so watch out for them.

Don't think of my as an enemy, I'm just trying to help. Do a little more research, go through your story- take notes if you have to (I do and it helps organize everything)- and make the corrections you think that it needs.

If you ever want someone to proof read something you've written, I'm your girl. Maybe we can be friends an share our stories together? Because sometimes writing can be a very lonely art form.