me likes me likes. the rhyming works well and i like the flow of this keep writing fantasy, and wud be awesome if you could evolve this into a story as it definately feels likeits leading into one. Go u :)

hm, it seems more like a story -poem, a little to much sci-fi for me today.

"Young children were wild, without goals," sounds like nowadays, lol!

pretty good, especially liked the flow of the poem, it reads nicely.

it's also cool how you have just alluded to things, it has given you the chance to pack so much into a short poem. nice one

It started out luring me in quite nicely expecting some action, but than it got confusing and sort of went off to a different track. The ideas are nice though, on the events you're make go on like "Young children wild without goals," Hope to hear from ya later,

Wishdreamer89

hm... it had a wonderful and rythme. I gotta tell you that the beginning and middle were really good but the ending was like tying a knot to a string that still had some stray ends. Great job though. props.

I could see a story coming out of this... It's captivating:-) -

this would be a great prelude to a fantasy story. i might come up with an idea 4 one, maybe we could collaborate. E-mail me, tell me what ya think. Btw, great poem.

Hmm, pleasant poem. I like the rhythm and flow of it but narrative poetry has never been my favorite(nevermind that I do have one, sorta: "Once In A Thicket") Your rhyming isn't too bad either although rhyming isn't my favorite(nevermind that I have written rhymes 'cuz they're so bad I haven't posted 'em.) Lol :) Later.

This poem is cool! It makes me smile because it starts like childhood tales and ends with "..." like childhood tales! One of my new favs!

more fantasy, really.

.swon.