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| Hollyboneli 2006-03-13 ch 1, | abuseer... haha :D go tian long! -nix |
| Ivy Ether 2006-03-10 ch 1, | abuseHey, yeah, lovely as always. I really don’t know where you come up with the imagery and detail and metaphors, they’re very original and well done, not clichéd at all. Lines like this: “…for it is a love built on the strongest rocks, etched on the deepest parts of their hearts.” Goosechills! I love it! On a similar note, again, I love the descriptive vocab you use. It really is gorgeous, even things that don’t seem beautiful in ordinary life, you manage to bring out a character in those objects that’s pretty unnatural lol. I really liked how you described Iguacu Falls and the lake. And the description of the song, and Maria’s reaction to it, it’s excellent! That gave me shivers, and I’m really curious what’s going to happen. I also like how you put a lot of effort into the background of the characters in the story, just enough so that it’s important to the story, and interesting back stories to boot. Usually I don’t like flashbacks, but you did them very well. They blend very nicely into the story. Some things that I noticed you could improve on: 1. Some grammatical and spelling mistakes, maybe get someone to read over it, or I find leaving the story for a few days and coming back to it helps me find errors and such. 2. A few times there’s a switch from past tense to present tense. Like in the first chapter: “John goes from there to her luscious lips and then explores the insides of her mouth with his tongue once again. Maria felt the humid air around them thicken and she felt like just giving up for she knew she had no whatsoever power to resist such sweet pleasure.” Now I’m really curious as to what will happen, and who that mysterious man is. Although I think that Maria has been pretty selfish so far, just leaving her family like that and using Carlos, I hope she will be able to redeem herself in the future. I’m also curious as to what Ai’s dream about Maria will amount to. Also, I thought Julio’s character seemed interesting. Whatever way you move in further chapters, I look forward to it. Cheers! P.S. Yeah, your love scenes are really good without being too smutty (lol I don’t know how you do that...). You could show those Harlequin writers a thing or two :D |
| jessa faerie 2006-03-07 ch 5, | abuseOkay, so...im so sorry, but im trying to remember to story line, but is carlos in love with maria, but she's in love with John?? Is is Carlos just one big meanie? Is Senor Teodor Maria's dad? ttys xoxoxo |
| jessa faerie 2005-12-22 ch 3, | abuseLikey likey! i cant wait to see what happens...and...im curious...but Carlos never asked his question, they got side tracked with the son in law thing...this intrigues my brain into wondering what that question may have been! xoxo |
| Rising Falcon 2005-12-17 ch 2, | abuseG-shock... That was a bit more descriptive than you warned me about... You write better than me though. It's quite interesting and the fact that the characters here has some hidden symbolism, it makes it a lot more interseting. John is Alex, didn't say it so yourself? Who is Maria then? |
| jessa faerie 2005-12-09 ch 2, | abusehey there! me again. did i ever mention that it is soo hard to find a male writer on ficpress or fanfic! your writing is very awesome!! |
| jessa faerie 2005-11-21 ch 1, | abusei like where this story is going. please update soon. your writing is excellent. xoxo |