Oh boy. Am I hoked. SERIOUSLY.

XD

I spotted a few tense and grammar mistakes, but never mind, those can be corrected. I must say, though, I am amazed by the way you allowed this to flow so smoothly throughout the plot. The descriptions were simple but clear, and altogether delightful to read. ...Well... I don't mean the fact that you're torturing Keiron is delightful... Oh wait, that IS delightful. Call me a sadist.

This will definitely be added to my favourites list, and remember; no matter what others may say about your work, as long as you know you've tried, that you have truly enjoyed your work, you should continue writing as much as you like. Go on and write that next chapter!

Daidairo

Of course I reviewed! Your story is awesome Blue! And no different with this chapter either. Also, I only found two mistakes, a comma left out and the word "a" left out somewhere. Besides all that it's great and it leaves me looking forward to the next chapter =D

Wow, I'm actually reviewing a prononciation guide. Anyways, I see you've taken a lot of your inspiration from mythology and such. However, my only warning is that a lot of times characters from history tend to be written as two dimensional characters who have nothing more than the attributes the person was famous for. Also, its generally a good idea when names are easy to pronounce. Anyways, the story sounds interesting so far and I'm looking forward to reading more.

I liked this chapter, too.

I'm going to be nit-picky now, and say that I'm pretty sure you're misusing the word heretic. I even went and looked it up--it means someone who's opinions differ from that of the Roman Catholic church (or something to that affect).

That being said, even replacing the Roman Catholic church with the religion of your world, one cannot really be a heretic by birth. Your--or rather, the Count's--explanation of the hatred of these so called "heretics" did do away with some of the problems acompanying the word misuse, but I'm going to politely suggest that you hunt down a different word, if at all possible.

Also, the scenerio with which Keiron was found to have golden eyes struck me as a bit unlikely. Perhaps, being raised to hate heretics, the little girl would have noticed and been frightened of his golden eyes, especially if she'd been told horror stories of golden-eyed people before. Still, I've never known little kids to be aware of the color of one's eyes, even if the eyes are an unusual color--and little kids are so innocent...it might be better if an adult found him out. (On this point, far more than the other, I could go either way--I just thought that the "issue" should be brought to your attention so you could decide if you wanted to do anything about it.)

That being said, I did enjoy this chapter, and I don't want to sound like a nit-picky, annoying...well, you know, so I'm sorry if I come off as one. No, I'm NOT apologizing for my opinions--just the way I state them, if anything struck you as impolite. (Unpolite?)

Anyway, hurry up and update! ^_^

o.o

Very good.

There were a few instances where word choice made phrases/sentences awkward, but these were, as I said, few, and probably would hvae escaped my notice if I hadn't been in "editor-mode."

My only real major problem is Dva's pink eyes and blue hair. It seems out of place amongst the other people, with normal pigmentations. If these are supposed to be humans, and she didn't die her hair, and she's not an albino or wearing colored contacts, be prepared to have a scientific explanation for the skeptics among us. All human pigmentation is a variation of the color red--it's a rule.

Seriously, though, this was an excellent prologue.

I'm off to read the next chapter now! ^_^

Wow...that was better than Harry Potter!XDI'm serious too! That was only the first I read too, I have a strong urge to read the others now! XDThere were actually only two grammar mistakes I found. (I probably spelled "grammar" wrong XD) They were extremely little though so I can't complain and tell you to improve XD.On to the next story!

I meant to review this about two days ago, but forgot to. XD Sorry!

Very well done. Aside from a few grammatical errors, the description was wonderful and the dialogue was wonderful. This is, in all honesty, one of the most skillfully written stories I've read on fiction press that I've read in a long time. It flows well, and I really like the excerpt at the beginning. Your pronunciation guide kicked **.

Pretty sure I've pieced together some of the prophesy. XD

Anyhow, looking foreward to the next chapter^^ Do update soon?

Oh wow, Blue! You do such amazing work, that's so awesome. I can't wait to read more. :D

It helps that I'm the beta-reader for your stories, since I get to think of what to say far ahead of time. But hey, even without that I can find some pretty good things to say about this story. It's an interesting start, and a bit of a deviation from your usual approach, which I quite like. There's lots of potential here, and I certainly think it could even exceed Shadow Claw.

Give it your utmost, my dear, since this is looking to be good. ^_^

-Jake Delfeir

An interesting mix of fantasy and a dash of science. It's just the prologue, and someone dies! The horror!That could mean that the next chapters will be much interesting. ^_^It's good to have a refreshing change with a whole new novel. Keep it up!

Evil evil humans...

Update, or I'll eat the scientists myself!

...Ahem. You didn't hear that.

Wow. THis is really good, and I'll add it to my favorite's story list.

Favorite Character - Chetyr (even if he is dead. . .)

Favorite Part - The italics at the beginning whet you start the prologue.

I FINALLY updated. Happiness and Hyperness. (and thanksgiving tomorrow, so we can all be fat and happy)

-Arrow's FLight-

this is interesting, i havn't come across something like it before

Excellent. Extremely well written and peiced together. It might be a tad melodramatic, but that's fine if you want to write that way (and for a prologue, that's often a good thing anyways.) You might want to think of a preject name a little more creative than project wings, but that's again a matter of personal preferance. I noticed all the characters names are Norse. Is that intentional? Keep up the good work, and I'll be reading more!

You kind of start out with the style of a play- I could see this dark stage and the narrator saying these lines and then a light flashing to see a boy saying: “Where am I?”

You detail is great; really its hard to find stories written like this on this site “If he had survived, now he would be around Odjn’s age” is just an example of that.

The lead scientist turned around in time to see one of his lab assistants running in with excitement showing plainly on his face.“What? What’s all the excitement about?”-I don’t know if you noticed but you used the word excitement twice (it happens to me all the time) but it kind of slows up the flow of the story to repeat words like that. Maybe change the first excitement to (exhilaration) or something.

The jumping back and forth between scene to scene usually doesn’t work, but in this it has a strange effect and does. The going from intensity to calm to back to intensity I really enjoyed.

This is a great story so far, I hope that you continue with it.

Much love,Juliet.