If you edited and extended just a teeny tiny itty bitty bit, this would be one of the best stream-of-consiousness stories I've ever read - so continue it.

i think it was rather good. a bit redundant in some parts, more so than necassary, but you got some good descrips off in there!

some of my fav:Nothing good about this pain, for there is no love in it. Merely pain for the sake of it. (pain for the sake of it. oddly familiar. sometimes i need the pain, but never enough to scar or leave a mark. just for the sake of it, to calm down enough to think rationally. but that's besides the point, now isn't it?)

Void of emotion, a barren tundra of pain. A black hole following a supernova. (see, almost redundant. but nice, just the same)

But for now, I am chained down by my agony.

May you be so loved.

good note to end upon. so that's just where i stop.

Made absolutely no sense at all... And I'm sure you're not high, just inspired or something, right? Cause I just posted a new story thing that's probably gonna be the most ansty/dramaish thing I'm gonna write.

Oh, sorry, by the way, this is Sugar. Just changed my pen name.

-Apple

This was interesting. I didn't really understand it, but read blessed-dragon's review (yes, I read other reviews, sorry) and I agree with their point of view. The bad things happening, but the glimmer of hope still there. I'm interested to see where you're going to go with this. ^.^

Oh! I like. so pretty, blood. Cool. Hope you continue this.Shameless plug for High School Eye Candy- Benji and Logan finally do it! no dream this time. For link just check out my bio.

I think that it made a lot of sense. It doesn't really seem like the rambling typical of myself so now that I look back on it, it definitely made sense. It was very poetic and beautiful. It portrayed a sometimes horrible (or maybe not, however you want to look at it) aspect of life and yet twisted it to make it seem as if there is a possibility, a glimmer of hope to it...or something like that.