"I was alone now my family,"

Now THAT my

"had abandoned me all because"

a comma after "me"

"which they feared I was"

A period after "feared"

"a lycanthrope yes me" should be "a lycanthrope. Yes, me."

"for ever to be "

forever is one word

" a werewolf but deep in my mind something returned like a piece"

Ok, add a comma after "werewolf" and after "returned"

"I walked the forest"

I'm unsure of this one, but maybe *in* the forest?

"I stumble upon an old farmer he ran"
Stumbled and "who" instead of "he"

"kind family some how so "

somehow is one word, and add a comma after it

Well I see "
You are missing a quotation mark at the start

“Well ya see I was forced to run away six years ago and well-”

Wait what? People don't reveal their secrets this easily! Especially not if they sting or something like that (which it seems to still do to him).

The dialog does not feel real, it feels monotone and like they have been given a script. There is no emotion in it. Try to add some descriptions (ie, how the characters are behaving), that might help.

Stylistically, this story doesn't make much sense. What happened to the continuous bold text? Why did you just ditch it? Bad move.

And the story lacks a basic usage of periods and commas. You are really lacking on this point, as well as the dialog, which I already explained the problem. I hope it might be because you made this in -05 (I just noticed) and if you have improved (which should be the case), do try to edit this. The first chapter makes readers stay or leave.

It all feels so *rushed* as well (and underdeveloped).

There is no time to feel for this werewolf, no time to feel his fear when he sees the dude wanting to kill the wolves, and the first two paragraphs took an eternity to read due to the writing having been lacking :/ (commas and periods are your friend).

All in all, it was just *empty*. There was no real personality in our main character, we didn't get enough info or time to even care for him :/ You should take time with this, I think. It is far too rushed.

Again, this might be because it was such a long time you wrote this, but since you have updated this, this year even, I think you should spend some time fixing this. It'll only be for your benefit! ^^

- Fractured Illusion

the idea is interesting, however you need alot of work. As of now everything is kind of confusing. You don't explain anything and the story jumps around too much. My suggestion would be to go back and slow the story down. Add more depth to the story and make it longer. In doing so you will be forced to explain some things. Also be careful with the first person point of view. It's hard to pull off and still get the depth of third person.

You have some work but I see alot of potential.

scary ish
pretty good, but man ur poems are better.

Its good...but seriously? You just killed him off tht quick? Personally i know it isn't that easy to kill a were-wolf...

A good story. Great plot. TOO QUICK!

"“What the bloody hell did you do to him?” she said terrified. Her gaze adverted to the gun in his hand. “ You bastard how could you do this to him he was only human.” She wept." Revisions: "“What the bloody hell did you do to him?” she said, terrified. Her gaze averted to the gun in his hand. “ You bastard, how could you do this to him? He was only human!” She wept."

"“Oh really, only human look at him,” he said pointing at his body wriggling on the ground" Revisions: "“Oh really, only human; look at him,” he said, pointing at his body wriggling on the ground"

"The farmer ran towards me and swung with the but of his gun." "but" should be "butt"

"When I awoke I was bound to a trough of water by thick rope the farmer stood there before me. " Revisions: "When I awoke I was bound to a trough of water by a thick rope. The farmer stood there before me."

"“I don’t want anything to do with your wife all I wanted was to save them.”" Revisions: "“I don’t want anything to do with your wife, all I wanted was to save them.”"

"“Who, Who did you think you were helping by that who!”" Revisions: "“Who, who did you think you were helping by that, who!”"

"“Who do you think you are? some creature?”" Should be: "“Who do you think you are? Some creature?”"

...

Kind of an abrupt ending.

I wish that you had broadened this out to perhaps five chapters, and dealt with the emotions of the characters a bit more. Like, perhaps, switching the views. First the werewolve's POV, then the farmer, then the wife

"I was alone now my family, friends, and loved ones had abandoned me all because I was changing, changing into something which they feared I was turning into a lycanthrope yes me I was doomed for ever to be a werewolf but deep in my mind something returned like a piece of me had been missing my whole life and now it was back and I was whole again." WOAH. Buddy, buddy, buddy! Is that thing really only a single sentence? Geesh. Here's some suggestions on how to break it up:"I was alone now- my family, friends, and loved ones had abandoned me, all because I was changing, changing into something which they feared. I was turning into a lycanthrope, yes, me. I was doomed forever to be a werewolf, but deep in my mind something returned like a piece of me had been missing my whole life, and now it was back, and I was whole again."

"I walked the forest thinking that I should die for I was nothing but a creature of evil, dark and terrible things." There should be a comma between "die" and "for"

"One morning in the countryside I stumble upon an old farmer he ran towards me and helped me towards his house." Comma should be between: "countryside" and "I"..."Stumbled" should be "stumbled"There should be a period after farmer, so "he" should be capitalized.

"The kind man was the only person who had shown care for me he clothed me, fed me, and let me sleep in his barn." Revision: "The kind man was the only person who had shown care for me; he clothed me, fed me, and let me sleep in his barn."

"The next morning I awoke to see that his wife had prepare me a delicious meal of eggs, bacon, and even fresh milk. I had to repay the kind family some how so I helped the wife fetch the eggs and helped the man plow the fields." revisions: "The next morning, I awoke to see that his wife had prepared me a delicious meal of eggs, bacon, and even fresh milk. I had to repay the kind family somehow, so I helped the wife fetch the eggs and helped the man plow the fields."

"Well I see you’ve met the misses already. Anyway I’m Samuel and this is Maria.” He said gesturing towards his wife " Revisions: ""Well, I see you’ve met the missus already. Anyway, I’m Samuel and this is Maria.” He said gesturing towards his wife "

"“ M-my name” I struggled to recall my name for the last time I had heard it uttered was many a year ago. “Jacob, Jacob Cydrin.”" There should be a comma between "name" and "for"

"“Well ya see I was forced to run away six years ago and well-”" Revision: "“Well, ya see, I was forced to run away six years ago, and well-”"

"The days passed by and we prepared for the harvest the crops were ready to become picked. Late that night I awoke to bloodcurdling cry." REvisions: "The days passed by, and we prepared for the harvest. The crops were soon ready to become picked. Late that night I awoke to a bloodcurdling cry."

""Wolves, God Damn Wolves!” he said as he handed me a hunting rifle." Revisions: "Wolves, God damn Wolves!” he said as he handed me a hunting rifle." ((*gasp* DAN! You said a BAD WORD! Tsk, tsk! Hehehe, kidding! : D ))

"“Wolves that’s what it’s for killing those damn wolves!”" Revisions: "“Wolves, that’s what it’s for! Killing those damn wolves!”" ((There you go again! Hehehehe!))

"“No, y-you can’t kill them there just hungry they need food or else they starve”" Revisions: "“No, y-you can’t kill them, they're just hungry, they need food or else they starve”"

"His finger tightened around the trigger, I ran at him taking him to the ground a shot rang through the air." Should be: "His finger tightened around the trigger, and I ran at him, taking him to the ground. A shot rang through the air."

"I ran into the house and grabbed my few things including a picture of my dead mother." Just a question: What's with you and dead mothers? Hehe. I noticed in your Vampyre one, too.

"“After all I’ve done for you your leaving! I took you in when no one else would.”" Revisions: "“After all I’ve done for you, you're leaving! I took you in when no one else would.”"

"As I ran out the door I fell to the ground my body began pulsing and changing. I squirmed on the ground fighting it." Revisions: "As I ran out the door, I fell to the ground. My body began pulsing and changing. I squirmed on the ground fighting it."

*claps* Oh! Very good first chapter!

Good beggining, still needs more punctuation, whats w/ the natureally-nature blog (OK? whats w/ that?)

oh, nice kill him, just when we're starting to like him. Anyway, its good, but you could use some more punctuation.

Why haven't you posted the second revelations chapter? Is it on your blog? i'm going to check.

I really love werewolf storys. The whole idea just facenates me. I think this story has real potential, My only critique is the was a little bit of lacking in the charactor developement, and the bit of action was a little choppy. But over all I really liked it and hope you continue.

good