This is great. Keep me interested as the chapter continues. I wish you update this someday. :)

good

I am loving it!

aw!! damn, i was really hoping there was another chapter!! i really hate it when this happens. i really get into a story and then there isn't another chapter/it's finished!

oh well, just keep working on it and update!!

This is by far the best chapter so far ^_^. Cara you did an excellent job. Loved the Crave scene ! This is the best slash & fem/slash story ive read so far ! Keep writing !

-bounces up and down- Yayayayayay. OH MY GOD, CHAPTER 5. -dies- I'll get it to you... soon? Really soon. Like, tonight/tomorrow night soon. I've already beta'd it halfway.

But let me just say that I DO love this chapter. -snorts- Great bet, you guys, really. But you already know how I feel. But I can't write much because CHPTER 5 reduced me to, well, you know. XD -bounces some more- I'm like, hyper. And need to call my friend! GAH! Okay, I talk to you later, SO LONG!

Oh em gee!! I love this story Steph! It rocks! Love ya chick!-Ash

This is another great chapter. The start of this story was exceptional and the conclusion of the story kept me on the edge of my seat. Keep it up. :)

Okay, so. Fantasy. Got it. Totally didn't notice that. Ha... the whole healing thing kind of took me by surprise there! xD Question: Do you have a beta reader? There's a lot of miniscule typos (repetitiveness, grammar issues, etc.) that could easily be fixed by getting someone to read over it before posting. If you don't have one, I'd love to do it for you (and I swear this has nothing with wanting to read the chapters first... honestly... well, partially). I'll put my email at the end.

Now! Onto the lovely story!

Alright, I'll start with CH. 2. I liked it, honestly. It was continuous and such, and nice. I particularly liked the ending; I think it's cute that he looked like he saw a hot girl, but totally didn't connect it. Heh. I wonder if Lauren noticed...? Probly. She seems to pick up on a lot of things, or at least seems like the person who would. Speaking of which, I'd love to see her play a bit of Matchmaker. I think it'd make for an interesting side chapter, to get us away from Peter a bit, you know?

Cons: it was lacking in extra details; I think it would've made things nice if you had included a bit about what his home life is like. We know it's tough, and in chapter three (and, slightly, if you really noticed the line about the bruise) we learn that it's abusive, but we have yet to actually see it. I think if you added that it would make things a lot richer and make the Peter seem more human. Even if you stuck it in as an extra (or even optional, by posting an little "outtake", if you will [on a freeware site], showing what happened when he got home.

Chapter 3:Pros: LOVE the interaction. Ohmigodtheymakemehappy (inmypants). It's adorable how he still doesn't see that he's totally TURNED ON by Erin/Mr. Adams. Wootage. It's so cute. Ohmigosh. I love it. So much. And on top of it all, they went to ew!McDonalds. Haha, great first date. Wo...

Cons: Kind of... odd. I was like "wtfsoftlesbianporn?" I GET that it's rated M and it's a slash (yay for gay rights!), but I mean. Really. It was like: okay, I get that you're proud of your relationship but come on, now. Go into a broom closet. You know? It was just a bit odd. And then the magic thing. Okay, I love fantasy and all, but don't put magic in there if we--the readers--aren't going to say "oh, right, I remember him saying that he had healing powers back when [insert something here]". I read it and I go "WOAHWOAHWAIT. Magic? There's magic in this?" Then I realize that yes, this is the fantasy section (I forgot amidst my waiting of the updates and excitement over updates) and that means that yes, there is magic. Ooh la la. But yes. I'll just say that despite these flaws, the whole part in the bathroom MORE than made up for it. I wonder greatly what Erin was thinking. Teehee. x3

Now, my advice is to take the story down, get it beta'd, and re-submit WITHOUT magic to the manga section (the whole sweatdropping and slashiness and whatnot make it seem very shonen-ai manga-esque). I love this story, I really do, but there's so much to improve. Think of this way: right now, you're story is a stone, newly uncovered from the dusty crevices of the ruins of thought (a.k.a. the dark recesses of your brain), and thrown into the world without being polished into the shining crystal it was meant to be.

Remember: having a story that you took time on and made it sparkle is better than a good story with a lot of mistakes.

Feel free to email me if you wish to talk. I love talking to people! Also, please don't take any of this negatively; I really do love this story, and I only wish for you to improve yourself--writing wise--and the story.

My email is: pinkshokku@yahoo.com.

xxSCA

P.S. See? I totally made up for that crap-comment on the first chapter! XD

You really should continue this. Lots of potential and it's a great story. Plus, the main character is pricless. Heh. Well, I don't feel like leaving a long review, so just know that you have another fan and that you should update soon!

This has much promise just as your other pieces. The way you tell it it's as you' ve lived it before. Keep it up. Hope to see more stories.

Very nice chapter. I see promise in it. The story line seems very amusing, and Peter makes for a great protagonist.

Hah, I find it funny how he's groped a chick who already has a girlfriend...Priceless...Kudos to you on that...

I'm loving this already. It's going on my favs ^_^ And it's nice to know that I'm not only one of the few fictionpressers who have some slash in their writing.

Keep up the great work.

Chobi