“Right, because I am part of your imagination.”

Probably one of my favorite lines,
sounds so much like the teenage girl that she is.

I really like this story, even if the chesire cat is a bit hard for me to follow at times,
& you're an excellent writer!

Well, the white rabbit certainly doesn't seem to have time to fool around, does he? Alice's confusion mixed with her teen overconfidence that she understands better than anyone else is clearly shown in her speech and action, and I think you've started creating a really good character in her. And the way she clings to what she remembers as Wonderland, even when she understands she's changed, wanted to change, but didn't want anything else too, is very real. Her lack of imagination causing problems sounds like it will pose a real issue, and the way you have the creatures speaking "nonsense" is nice, with Alice's reactions to it. It'll be interesting to see how you keep up the logic puzzles and ways around so called logic...at first I thought the "if a tree falls in the forest" thing was a little tired, but then the way you connected it to singing without a voice was very nice. I wonder if the Hatter and the Hare will be as changed as everything else she's encountered so far. Keep working at it!

Interesting title...I'll have to see how it fits. I'm excited for a new story!
Okay, I understand what you mean in your first two sentences, but they are worded awkwardly, and repeat little girl too many times. I wouldn't be so nitpicky about it if it weren't the first lines, because people read first lines and go, eh, back to click on something else I just saw. They'll miss out on a good story, but you might miss out on a good reviewer too, just because of that. Maybe just condense them. Hokay, moving on...

I like the image of the smoke and the caterpillars coming into the story fast; I'm not sure how a mind "was" reminiscent of yesteryears, unless you mean the images she saw were of the/her past, and then maybe clarify that a bit. I also really enjoy Alice's obnoxious comments towards the cat and vice versa. The chesire cat has always been kind of a thing of mine, when I was little I used to think that he was waiting outside my window whenever the moon was a crescent and I refused to go to sleep without a "map" of wonderland I made my mom draw. I also love the line "Not everyone is welcome in Wonderland." Very nice. Also that Alice appears to have forgotten how to get to Wonderland, and that the cat might have made it all up. Love the last line too. You have a lot of dialogue in that section, though, that isn't broken up by much...adding just a few actions would solidify the scene and add interest along with the words; the dialogue is great though, lovely, and I like the whole idea of this so far!

This is an interesting concept of Alice and Wonderland gone teen, i am enjoying every little suculent piece of it. I wish you could continue it, the chesire cat seems to be getting on to a point and I am enjoying this banter.

I love it, very original

good adult take on it.

adn so funny!

Alice in Wonderland is one of my favorite books.

(I'm back plz read me stuff)

It gets a tad bit confusing, but for the most part, I love the concept. The idea of Alice developing into this sullen girl, Malice, that's - great. Great. And that ending line (although it should be rabbit hole, right, not rabbit?) is perfect.

Interesting. -^^- I love the original story, and feel as though my version is horrible to it...but this was just an interesting little snippet. I liked it, if it's not over I shall read more. Lol-compared to the original Chess and Hatter, mine are rather sad...lol.

Harlequin~Please fix me...