I love the repetition and the simplicity, especially the line "time-worn and love-torn".

The subtle changes in the 'verses' tells a very good story.

Gah get Kamil or someone to sing this with a guitar or better yet, a band... Anyway, that aside, more-than-good poem man. Touching.

A poem of desire and motivation, the 'will I, won't I' factor echoes hauntingly in 'it's all very wrong indeed' The divisions of emotion that were brought to a conflict by 'just look at us/ looking at us' made it tragic in a sense.

Definitely could have been written to music. Very well written. I am beginning to admire your style. Nice work. TWIG COG SOG