This story made me depressed at times, but it was still a good story and kept me readin. There was a few typos, but nothin that bad, I'm sure everyone showed ya where they was anyway. I think Madeleine is goin ta do somethin bad ta Mirabel... I can feel it.

Anyway, keep up the good work.

"Who needs a little town like Brockleby that no-one’s ever heard of...?"

i think "no-one" doesn't have a hyphen, they're two seperate words.

i liked how you said her brother would marry his hard drive and have an affair with the USB cable, that cracked me up. XD

i can somewhat relate to Mirabel, i live in a real small town and go to this run-down public school, but i'd never want to leave my school and my friends.

anyway, this was a good start, i liked the idea.

kudos!

=From the Earthen Ground=

Alright. The stories good points are its bad point. Yeah, that sounds weird.

What I mean by that is that...well, I felt really sick reading this because I could really feel what she was going through, and it made me feel terrible. Er...did that make sense?

What I'm trying to say is that Mirabel is a good character that people can easily relate to. However, because of that, whenever she's going through something bad, people can feel that.

The technique seems to be fine, the flow decent and well written out.

Just one thing..Er...did you really need all those paragraphs in the first chapter describing her friends?

I love the way your characterize the people in Mirabel's life. It gives her a distinct voice and tells us a lot about her, by how she looks at people in different ways. From the beginning snippet, my guess is that this is all leading to some kind of hazing incident. It's a good setup if that's the case.

FP doesn't allow title with brackets either. Yeah yeah, so many restrictions. Concerto from RR. Right.

Hm, year 7. Different countries have different standards, and it's all confusing now. The title was rather interesting though, well not so much interesting, but maybe just gave a peculiar touch to it.

Part of it was more object driven, in that things pushed the narrator to react. At least it was written that way. You could say it was a touch passive as well.

Seems like recent technology slowly creeps into creativity as well. We got to catch up and know the terms or else...

Anyhow. Cheers.

Aw. I love mirabel. She's so dorky and loveable and smart. It's really too bad she had to go to St. Catherines, tho; even tho i'm sure that'll look a lot better on her transcripts.

You did such a great job of setting up everything; those baked barbies are very familiar and real. Ha. I just hope "Bel" doesn't turn into one of them. You had put in the foreshadowing when talking to Jennifer, but I wasn't sure.

Anywho, I only saw one typo (when she had just met madeline and they were walking around-you said "he" instead of "we"-sorry for being nit-picky) and liked everything else. I wonder if thisll turn out like Mean Girls...?

Tabi here from R&R. Not that I really need to mention that, but still...

Interesting. It's amazing the influence Madeleine has over everyone; I feel sorry for her group. :( Yeah anyways, I enjoyed the chapter and I can't wait to see how this camera thing comes into play! =D

Short, pointless review; me ish lazy right now.

;)becky

P.S. Btw, you have impeccable spelling and grammar.

Interesting. Madeleine's actions seemed charitable and kind and generous, but there was a little superficiality behind all that. She didn't want to be seen with Mirabel because she'd embarrass her by dressing like she did, but then she also wants to take her under her wing to make the best of her, right?

I still like Madeleine. But aww, no Jennifer? *pouts*

Yeah. I liked this chapter also, and the Spice Girls thing. =D

OOH, and the CAMERA. What, they took pictures of her snoozing or something? Does she drool?! :p

;)becky

I liked this chapter muchly. It had a good pace, nice flow, and realistic reflections on Mirabel's part. Well done. =D

[I vaguely remembered being shown a video the previous year about a disease called anorexia nervosa. One of the most vivid images I was presented with was that of a girl, barely reminiscent of a skeleton, crouching over a toilet with her hand down her throat.] Eh, sticking your finger down your throat is usually an action classified with bulimia, not anorexia, so yeah.

[Everyone else was the common room.] Forgot the 'in,' no big thing.

[The bell for bed would go soon and a teacher would come around to make sure we all went to bed.] You said 'bed' twice, maybe you could change the last part to 'sleep'?

Yeah, I like this Jennifer girl. Madeleine's nice, but in a different way. I guess it's really good of her to take her under her wing, though, what with her being in a higher social standing or whatever. I s'pose I like Jennifer better because she's already been honest with Mirabel and I always have a heart for the more vulnerable characters. =] Oh, and she sort of reminds me of Helen Burns in Jane Eyre, especially with the private boarding school setting and all. Eh, there I go my totally irrelevant comparisons. :p I liked this chapter!

;)becky

Aww, poor Mirabel. I like Madeleine well enough, though I'm not sure if she'll turn out to be a close friend of Bel's, considering she has her own friends already. And I like how you captured her personality. She just seems like a normal girl.

Eh, this chapter was sort of info-dumpy; the way you described the school wasn't incorporated into the narrative - you just sort of told us. Details like that sort of bore me :p

Anyways, yeah. I shall continue! See you at the end! Or maybe next chapter or the next, who knows?

;)becky

I must have read something wrong. Mirabel was twelve when she left the school? I guess that's one thing I got wrong.

Now that I've read everything you have up, I have to say your grammar is almost flawless. I like this story because Mirabel is different from the other girls. The others are interesting in looking like women and pretty clothes, Mirabel just wants to be back home. A great portrayal of teenage issues if you ask me, because other stories whine.

Only complaint you'll hear from me is how sometimes, it's hard to follow. I find myself losing my place at times.

Great story, though.

Interesting story you've got here, Whirr. This story is different from most others where a girl who's not as rich or popular as others in her school gets accepted into a great university. Giving details on how she actually got there is a good touch.

There's a point I have to make, though. If Mirabel really, really didn't want to go to that college so badly, then I think her mother could've understood a little bit. Also, I don't think she would've insulted Mirabel's friends and said that she had a chance to be somebody. Decent parents don't say that to their children, and you could've phrased this differently.

Another thing that I thought was too sudden was the passage of time. In the first few paragraphs, she was five. Later, she had graudated. Time skips are the easiest way to lose a reader, so I advise you to write that carefully.

I'll see you at the last chapter.

Interesting. Interesting indeed.

[Then Jordan had splashed us some more, for getting too soppy and we had continued with our frolicking. It must have been midnight by the time we emerged, sopping wet and shivering, but happy.] Eh, maybe you could change 'soppy' to 'sentimental' or something; it seems jarring otherwise, since you say 'sopping' in the following sentence.

[I think he’s going to marry his hard drive and have an affair with the USB cable. I found him making out with it once.] LOL . . . gross! That sentence made me laugh, but to me, it seemed a little out of place there, like you were grasping for some humor to keep the reader interested or something. It seemed unnecessary, I guess.

AWWH, I thought I'd get to see more of her dorkily great friends before she got carted off to some stuffy school! (-cries-) Yes, I find it a little sad that I didn't have the chance to get to know this set of characters before her new school presents a fresh one, which I'll probably see next chapter.

But I liked that even if I wasn't able to familiarize myself with her group of friends that much, I was able to sympathize with Maribel because these were her the people who loved her and understood her and stuck with her, and these were the people she was leaving. It seemed relatable, even though I don't remember the last time I moved. :p

Eh, her mom seemed a little superficial, and she reminded me of Daisy Buchanan from The Great Gatsby. Especially since her last name's Fitzgerald and that's the author's last name. Yeah.

I also liked your repition of "that no-one's heard of." 'Twas cool.

See you when I wake up and review more! :p

;)becky

I like where this is going. No one is outwardly, directly mean to her, but they're all very meaningfully doing exactly the worst possible things for her. The way you write these people is so realistic and so well done. I like it.

I loved the addition of Jennifer, probably the only person around really looking out for Mirabel. But she also has her own problems. Normally, you would think the kind, older girl who 'adopts' the new kid is so wonderful and dislike the one who sees a younger girl and dumps all of her problems on her, but not the way you write it. It's unique.

You said nobody had called her Bel since she was six, but didn't someone call her Bel in the first chapter? I'm not sure and I can't check without losing the review, but you might want to keep an eye on that.

Overall a really good story, though. I like where Mirabel's life is going now that she's at St. Catherine's. Well, I don't LIKE it, but... oh, you know what I mean!

Keep writing,

-Fran

Aww. Poor Mirabel. I know how it feels to be the odd girl out, although I've never been to a boarding school or a private school.

Okay, I would have waited a while to review once I got to the end, but I had to mention something. “Thankyou, Mirabel, please take a seat.” Uh-oh. That's a typo, you evil person! Okay, not really, but you forgot the space between Thank and You.

I like the way you're writing Madeleine. She's nice to Mirabel, but not excessively. As of now, she could be either a jerk or a best friend. It's cool, she seems very real.

Keep writing,

-Fran