Ooh, yes. I love the second stanza. I'm not a huge fan of the fizzy pop reference, just b/c it's a little long and doesn't fit with the rest of the poem, IMHO. Though I agree that someone could be that. (I did a metaphor exercise once where I had this guy I liked being "an unopened bottle of Mountain Dew, ready to explode into the world." It was fun.) Anyway, yes, I liked the rest of this. Keep writing! :)

i love the intensity

"his finger tips are all the gravity i need"

good work

us*A

shivers. excellent. so powerful in such a small space. the ending is the best part.

interesting... great idea I like it a lot

Beautiful. That end just brings it all perfectly together.

wow, the last lines are so powerful. A lovely twist for an ending, and so beautiful imagery.

I get what you mean.

"his voice is better then oxygen his finger tips are all the gravity i need." That's amazing. That line is definitely going to be in my head for a while. Also, I loved "i am yesterday" just because it's beautiful. And, of course, I loved the ending- it's awesome. So beautiful, so sad, so… you. Beautiful, sad, amazing- the three best words to fit your writing. Never stop. (Hint, hint- what does "last pieces I upload on this account for a long time, possibly forever" mean? Are you leaving? Or are you just making a new account? You do realize I'll go crazy without your writing. Please say you're not stopping writing… you have too much talent to waste! Please don't go.)

the title sums it all up.it kind of reminds me of no perfection can seek such a perfection until we all waste away to reality.

I just love it, the tone is just so stricking and everything is so powerful to an almost haunting level. I love your style.

~* noelle

i loved the ending& the whole thing, really. love the friends referrence. great job.

brilliant, how the poem seems to begin and end on a similar yet completly different tone.

"his voice is better thenoxygenhis finger tips are all thegravity i need." delicious, and the "choking on plectrums" bit...

i love the last four lines, i feel like that.

(too many s's in exisit though mate)

Nice. I like it. Not much more to say.