Very good, for a first story and everything. I pressume you rp and stuff? If I'm wrong sorry >.> I'm just a huge rper with mai rp forum *huggles forum* well yea anways. Great story, only thing I disliked witht he whole 1st person is how you simply told the reader everything straight off. Don't use as much monologue try to tie it in with the actual story more. If you know what I mean...Oh and this was extremly short, try to make your chapters longer. But other then that great chapter ^^

♥adios