Wow..
This one-shot is really hot.
I think it's on the VERY contrary of being horrible!
I just loved how you detailed everything-
It was so.. erotic, lol. ;D

I loved it.continue it!

To be honest I didn't think it was horrible at all. The only thing that kept breaking up the rythm was the use of the term 'folds'. I know what you were implying but it just didn't fit the mood, kinda made the woman seem like she was massively obease.

It was still nicely written with excellent imagery, i liked many of the clever terms you used in realting to the emotions going through both characters.

That was very... exiting! Seriously, it was really good, you need to publish some of your work or maybe even think about writing a romance novel. You really have talent. Thank you for the inspiration.