There was a lot of mystery to it and it's really...something. I look forward to reading more.

-Genesis F.T

Some of the language was a little formal, and there would be like, a wall of speaking, and nothing but them speaking, that made me zone out a little (though I zone out very easily, and I'm tired with a cold so that might be why). But the description was extremely awesome, so keep it up.

Hm. The scene seems casual, but some of the dialogue is very formal - especially for a modern time period - which makes some of it seem a bit forced.

However, if you have seen - and enjoyed - the movie 'Memento', most everything is forgivable. I love that movie.