Reviews for my love on valentines

Reviews For: my love on valentines - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

One-Hand Clap 2008-04-19 ch 9,	'won't' instead of 'wont'. I didn't like this line: last time she says,"beautiful".&TheLastGoodbye (and tears are hiding...) I think it would've been better like this (maybe): last time she says: beautiful & thelastGoodbye (tears are hiding) Again, if you're going to use '&' instead of 'and', you need to go all out and use it for everything. Also, try not to use the same word in the same line, because it can look kinda irritating. I loved the ending though. How lovely. It really sticks. "A Beginning of losses" That was really beautiful. Sorry to annoy you with my pedantic reviews! - Clap Trap, from Review Marathon (link in profile)
One-Hand Clap 2008-04-19 ch 8,	This was a pretty chapter, but not beautiful. I think you could've used more sybolism/description to really GRAB your audience. It was more of a... musing, and kind of half-hearted at that. I did like the general concept and costruct, though, of wondering what the date was when you 'officially' began to love someone. And also... the commas...!
One-Hand Clap 2008-04-19 ch 7,	The emotion in this one was palpable, and I could tell it came from the heart. It was lovely. So the emotion was great, but again, the commas inbetween words! Ach! There's a space after a comma! I get so obsessive compulsive about grammar... sorry. But yeah.
One-Hand Clap 2008-04-19 ch 6,	Eek! I loved this phrase you used - 'a staining smile'! Wow! That was great. The image it calls to mind is very... I can't think of the right adjective. But it's definitely lingered with me. 'Staining smile'! However, I didn't like how you spaced out infatuation (i n f a t u a t i o n). I didn't understand why that was necessary. And it didn't look very good.
One-Hand Clap 2008-04-19 ch 5,	ilove you,i love you,i love you,I LOVE YOU Ach! My nemises! Commas and fontfaces! I strongly suggest you get rid of the commas - at least. What I did LOVE - seriously - about this chapter was the first stanzas imagery! Whoof! Like a punch in the gut, especially the first two lines! Well done on THAT!
One-Hand Clap 2008-04-19 ch 4,	Okay! Did not like this chapter at all! Sorry, but I wouldn't be a good reviewer if I wasn't completely honest! This part just... really grated on me. It didn't look good at all. The use of font faces (bold, italics, underline) made it look messy, and the unneeded punctuation parts - just, no!: the one that always smiled at him whenever he looked her way;well,she's passing by... smile: !now! Also, at one point, you write 'un-perfect' when imperfect would suit better. However, the rhyming part here - bye-bye, smiling guy. & i loved you in july - was lovely on its own for it's rhyming. But I didn't like most of this chapter.
One-Hand Clap 2008-04-19 ch 3,	Cliched has one of those funny little french-thingy above the 'e's. I can't be bothered getting one, but I think you should fix it up. Also! I did not like the commas inbetween the words, viz.: sit down,laugh,cry,& write about it It probably would've looked better like this: sit down. laughcry&write about it It's the same, closed message, but it's... it looks kinda better. I think. Just my opinion. I loved the first stanza, especially 'did you burn (like me?)'. It's a cliched way of telling desire... but somehow, in your poem, it works! Well done!
One-Hand Clap 2008-04-19 ch 2,	K! Another spelling error. Yep, yep, we've established I'm gonna be an annoying review ;). 'Two, again' instead of 'two,again'. And shouldn't it be whomever? I don't know. Also, 'got bored,&' could just be 'got bored &'. It'd probably be aesthetically, at least, more pleasing. For me. However, I did love the imagery this chapter evoked! It was lovely! Well done.
One-Hand Clap 2008-04-19 ch 1,	Okay! First off, there's a spelling error in this chapter. Yes, I know, I know, I'm one of THOSE guys. Spelling sticklers. Or somesuch. Anyways - jewels, instead of 'jewles'. Otherwise, a rather nice start! Although - nyeh - I think if you're going to use '&' instead of and, you have to go all out or not use it at all. So if you jut swept over the poem again, and looked at the places you used 'and' instead of '&', and fixed them up, it would look kinda better.
bleed gilead 2006-01-24 ch 1,	omfg. this is gorgeous.
ancient trees 2006-01-13 ch 6,	Never ever say this is **; I would /kill/ to write something as beautiful as these poems. I think my absolute favourite was 'questions for her.' Love especially for 'are you lovely to me/purely out of kindness/or/not?/who are you? i forgot to ask/before.' Lovely-shiny-brilliant-amazing gorgeous job, on all six.
as beauty dies 2006-01-09 ch 6,	LOVED it completely. I just...wow. I am incoherent. ~* noelle
account not in use 2005-12-13 ch 3,	'i forgot to askbefore' the before is so deffinite yet so open, because before holds so much power. 'do you burn(like me?' i love that, it really makes your point loud and clear.
after-sex cigarette 2005-12-11 ch 2,	so beautiful, so abstract, and the part about her wishing for blonde hair while you wish for hers, it's so amazing how it affects the mood.
FunkyFlower17 2005-12-08 ch 1,	definitely romantic...sighs...FAB imagery and lines. awesome, ~mez~

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