FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Inkling of Tears 2006-06-17 ch 1,  | abuseplain enough to be clear, but obscured just enough to make the reader think. i love it. |
| amethystdawn 2006-06-16 ch 1, | abuseIt's a bit abstract, but i understand it. ^.^ the last stanza is pretty, however, it doesn't really fit in. I know it serves as the explanation, but i think it would be better if it were integrated into the poem instead of standing out like that. The line before the last stanza would be a fitting ending i think. Still, this is a beautiful work of art. :D keep it up! God bless -dawn |
| Pimpled Boy 2006-06-12 ch 1, | abuseYou really have your own style of writing. I really love the line "cold fingertips of fear running down his spine". Haven't come across this powerful metaphor anywhere until today. Anyway there's nothing wrong with those breaks. They create and build up the suspense in the poem. Excellent job! |
| al-Salil 2006-04-06 ch 1, | abusehey Pei, its been a while, how you been?if you can buzz me by email over the next week or so, i would be really gratefulhope everything is ok in your part fo the worldadamxx |
| Nothing Profound 2006-01-30 ch 1, | abuseAmazing imagery. I like the word "rigid." "I'll eat when I'm hungry, I'll drink when I'm dry, If moonshine don't kill me, I'll live 'til I die." The moonshine bit just reminded me of that song. Lovely work. |
| elvenstorm 2006-01-20 ch 1, | abuseOh the end image is so stark compared to the rest of poem yet still beautiful. Well done x |
| just a teardrop 2006-01-15 ch 1, | abusethis is a great piece, its worded perfectly. lovely imagery. |
| Infection 2006-01-15 ch 1, | abusethis was really well written. liked the layout. |
| thursdays and rain 2005-12-29 ch 1, | abuseit's not vague at all & the formatting fits. beautiful piece. tragic & twisted c: |
| Boom Kitty 2005-12-28 ch 1, | abuseI have some weird feeling that either he killed her while intoxicated, or she killed herself. Eh, it's still a strange but good poem. I love the bold and italics, like random thoughts and something sudden and sweet/out-of-place with the 'moonshine-scented wind'. Good work! |
| calybe 2005-12-24 ch 1, | abuseI understand it! He killed his bride when he got drunk. The poem is captivating and there is a sense of horror as you realise what has happened ('Leaving his tie round her neck'). There's a rhythm in this poem that just jolts it to life. Great work! |
| angelfire25 2005-12-21 ch 1, | abuseI like the first line it grabbed my attention. Its so sad and the line 'leaving his tie round her neck' hm it made me wonder. |
| Saber of shadow 2005-12-14 ch 1, | abuseI don't really get it. Is it the fella gets drunk and marries another woman or what? |
| Arichos 2005-12-11 ch 1, | abusea little bit jagged, maybe you could add some more description. |
| FunkyFlower17 2005-12-11 ch 1, | abusegreat build up of emotion! love the verse with the grief, guilt bit. awesome job with the ending...very unexpected. great job:-) ~mez~ |