plain enough to be clear, but obscured just enough to make the reader think. i love it.

It's a bit abstract, but i understand it. . the last stanza is pretty, however, it doesn't really fit in. I know it serves as the explanation, but i think it would be better if it were integrated into the poem instead of standing out like that. The line before the last stanza would be a fitting ending i think. Still, this is a beautiful work of art. :D keep it up!

God bless

-dawn

You really have your own style of writing. I really love the line "cold fingertips of fear running down his spine". Haven't come across this powerful metaphor anywhere until today. Anyway there's nothing wrong with those breaks. They create and build up the suspense in the poem. Excellent job!

hey Pei, its been a while, how you been?if you can buzz me by email over the next week or so, i would be really gratefulhope everything is ok in your part fo the worldadamxx

Amazing imagery. I like the word "rigid." "I'll eat when I'm hungry, I'll drink when I'm dry, If moonshine don't kill me, I'll live 'til I die." The moonshine bit just reminded me of that song. Lovely work.

Oh the end image is so stark compared to the rest of poem yet still beautiful. Well done x

this is a great piece, its worded perfectly. lovely imagery.

this was really well written. liked the layout.

it's not vague at all & the formatting fits. beautiful piece. tragic & twisted c:

I have some weird feeling that either he killed her while intoxicated, or she killed herself. Eh, it's still a strange but good poem. I love the bold and italics, like random thoughts and something sudden and sweet/out-of-place with the 'moonshine-scented wind'.

Good work!

I understand it! He killed his bride when he got drunk.

The poem is captivating and there is a sense of horror as you realise what has happened ('Leaving his tie round her neck'). There's a rhythm in this poem that just jolts it to life.

Great work!

I like the first line it grabbed my attention. Its so sad and the line 'leaving his tie round her neck' hm it made me wonder.

I don't really get it. Is it the fella gets drunk and marries another woman or what?

a little bit jagged, maybe you could add some more description.

great build up of emotion! love the verse with the grief, guilt bit. awesome job with the ending...very unexpected. great job:-)

mez