Reviews for Sir Ascheron - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Sir Ascheron

Joelle Duran 2006-04-04 ch 1,	abuseWell, that felt somewhat familiar, though I shun Minneapolis for St Paul. The weather, though--that felt VERY familiar! The only thing that jumped out was this sentence:"Shortly thereafter, the conversation morphed into general grumblings about the weather – always a safe topic at any time of year in Minnesota – and as they strolled onto the University campus itself, eventually nearing Northrop Auditorium at the campus’s center. "It's a bit of a run-on, and not balanced properly with the 'and' after the part set off by dashes. Afraid I don't know the grammatical terms. Great banter and description here, nice little snippet about one of those little quirks of life on campus. Good work!
W3DNESDAY 2006-03-09 ch 1,	abusehey, where did you come up with the name Ascheron? Acheron is actually a river in Hades, if you didn't know. so i'm hoping you're going to continue this. Ash and Katie seem like a really cute couple
Pheobe Meryll 2006-01-30 ch 1,	abuseThis was an interesting story, especially in that the setting is real. drastic difference from where I live! "minneapolis winters could be such a bitch sometimes!" You switch from plural (minneapolis winters) to singular (a bitch) here. It needs to stay consistant throughout the sentance. "You make me come to mass; this is my reward..." the word 'Mass' needs to be capitolized, since it's a proper noun. On fantasy novels...haha. Like that one. "Anyone looks smart, compared to our physics grades"...well, here the sentance doesn't carry on quite right. "anyone would look smart compared to us" would make sense, or "anyone's physics grades would look good compared to ours"...but it's confusing to switch. 'somewhat to the detriment of his physics knowledge'...hehe. Co-ed stinks sometimes. I kind of liked how you ended it with him thinking fondly of the beggar. However, I think you could have had the same effect with less harshness if the - um, protagonist, if you will, had been someone younger, maybe giving the girl real trouble. An old man begging for a quarter seems harmless and sad, and it was pretty mean sounding for the characters to call him slimey and all.
rrmehta364 2006-01-20 ch 1,	abuseYes, the story did seem vaguely realistic. As if you were changing names to a scene that really happened. Anyways, Sax's dominate all else. -peace out.
La Gitane 2005-12-23 ch 1,	abuseThis was a fun read... I enjoyed some of the banter earlier - especially the suggestion that his name is inspired by fantasy novel! Very sly... Nice characters, and enjoyable coincidences... Cheers for making me smile! :) Now we must all wish, I suppose, for our own Sir Ascherons!
temblance 2005-12-20 ch 1,	abusewhat a cool short story. I think that the thing that most stood out to me was the dialogue- very realistic for students. I loved the dialogue! My only iffy sentence would be this one: "Minneapolis winters could be such a bitch sometimes!" i think it might sound better if it had a period at the end of it instead of an exclamation mark. the conclusion was really cool, and this would definitely be worth entering into a contest, just to see how it would do! good job.
Jerrac 2005-12-19 ch 1,	abusegrins The description of the weather makes me glad I am going to college in AZ. Prescott gets cold, but not to cold. :D Enjoyed the tale. :D
daphnegray78 2005-12-11 ch 1,	abuseWow, Ruatha! I really like this. If your second piece is anything like this one, the other contestants should worry, especially me since I haven't even started on mine yet! (muses) Hmm... Ascheron. That's a really cool name. Hehe. ~Daphne~

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