Very nice, better than your last chapter. Its very nice how events are quickly unfolding, although it does make things a little bit confusing, and makes your charictors come across as wishwashy and subhuman, like Jira not mourning her dead comrade, and Scrad's way of making decisions. I think some time in the future you may want a slow chapter just to let there thoughts catch up with them.

Same nitpicky stuff that I am sure you have heard before, he goes from hatting all wizards to blindly trusting them, and it seems that he does this just cause the girl is pretty. An idea that I got from tolken, but if i attempt to quote it I will bucher it so here is the jist, I would expect an agent of evil to look pretier and talk fouwler, people blindly trust things that doent look like they will hurt them but they often are the worst, so Scrads sudden change of mind almost seems foolish. But I did like the detial, enough to not make things confusing but at the same time it makes the writing enchanting and easy to read. Good charictor development, and you move seemlissly from bit to bit which is nice. so thats about it...good work and I am of to the next chapter

Aww no poor Xan :( He's cool; what he did really earned my respect...too bad he's...er...yeah... :(

Vant's description was cool. I totally got this graphic image of homicidal psychopath with filed teeth and body parts hanging all over him, casually proposing global domination - it was great! And Scrad's response was good too, almost humorous, though I don't know if you intended it. Sort of like "Wait...you killed my men, and now you want to, what?...I can't even dignify that with an answer, so can we just try to kill each other now?"

Anyhoo! I like what's happening, but I'm confused! If the bad sword disappeared, how will the prophesy come true? Another idea is that you might add some more description to the pain he feels after he's stabbed by Maldolor, not just during the battle, but after it. Once eyeball-man is dead, Scrad sort of just stands up and chats with Jira, walks around, kills his horse...but he just got stabbed (and presumably is still bleeding) by the most excruciating weapon known to man, so you probably want to remind us of that! Then again, he did pass out :)

I'm sorry I left a long review and now a runon sentence but I hope you write more soon cause I like your story! Keep it up!

-Kat ^_^

Hello there! I'm intrigued by this story so far, and I like the concept behind the liquid metal sword. The explanation of how it's created and the way it works is interesting and the whole process was cool. I liked the scene in the alley where Scrad's suspicious of Jira and has to enter her territory alone - the dialogue and descriptions were good there. I kept wonder how she found him, and why he was important enough to be surrounded by so many bodyguards?

One thing I think you could add might be to give more detail to the process of Scrad's coming to accept Jira. It's a big change from his suspicious nature at the beginning of the chapter to being told (and accepting a little big easily) such an amazing prophesy, and then trusting the wizard to perform a ritual on him. Maybe add some detail of what's going through his head during all that.

I was also wondering what he looks like! Hehe, it says during the ritual that he has dirty blonde hair, but later it says his beard is brown. Or maybe I should do less typing and more reading the next chapter! *boing*

Oh I am an indecisive nitpicker but since these popped out at me I'll paste them here in case you feel like editing sometime, they're just unimportant typos:

(Jira speaking:) "just because [or] cities are at war does not mean...

"Why not just kill me here and take the [my] sword for yourself?"

Hm, an interesting beginning! Nicely written (much better than most) and thorough. Looking forward to more.