LIEK OMG we both have poems with the same title...CREPY.

I can really picture this girl in the photograph, at first I thought she had AIDS or something, but then you said she was an earthquake victim.

Very nice.

Have you seen Dead Poets Society?

The transitions, from talking about physical appearances, to the sudden-ness of this one "Her" you spoke of in the narrative, were rather surprising for me. I was caught off guard when I read them.

Though I feel your pity and perhaps twinge of sorry, it did not feel as though this were meant to be moving. It's more like an informative narrative you would find in a newspaper describing a tragic accident.

However, I found this simple piece to be very well written, though I did dislike the cliche "She could have changed the world." I think you could have come up with a much better, more creative line. Seeing your other writing talents, I bet you have that ability. ;)

~FTM~

As Robin Sisikin said before me, the end is quite impersonal. However, your descriptions are well thought out.

Wow, the beginning really caught my attention, how you started out by talking about her eyes. The first sentence "Her eyes catch you attention first." really did catch my interest, it made me want to know more about the girl who was being written about. I love the way you compare physical features to other things; the way you put it sounds so calm and tranquil, but it still sounds like you care. The second paragraph made me cringe when I put the words together to make a picture in my mind. It saddened me to think of how it felt to be suffering like that. This is a good thing, some writers don't know how to express words that effect peoples feelings. I applaude you for that. The last few paragraphs made me think alot, it is true and that's the part that makes me thoughtful about it. Mostly, I've been commenting on how I feel about it, I'm not the best critique, I just wanted to tell you how it effected me. I never saw the picture, but if I had, I'm sure it would've touched me. ~Ciao~

The descriptions were very nice, very vivid, except I found some to be a little awkward or strange, but that's probably your style.

Good job on it, though; I'd love to see the pic.

--Wusai

I like'd the start it really states what the photo is like and how real it is. The ending could have been a bit more discriptive maybe refered back to the start with the photo but other then that i quite liked it.

I wasn't moved by this at all, and I'm the kind of person who cries when Mufasa dies and when Bambi's mother is killed.

What really turned me off of this piece was the "she could have changed the world" bit. It's like the line people shove into things when they don't know what else to say. If every person who "could have changed the world" had not, in fact, been killed, the world would still be as riddled with AIDS, cancer, and crime as before. It's just impersonal and kind of disrespectful to the kid's spirit to say that. I mean, if you're going to pay homage to somebody, at least think of something original to say. I'd come back as a zombie and kill people if my obituary read "she was a young life cut short. she could have changed the world, but now she won't, because of one drunk driver." Argh.

This does catch your attention, but it is only a blurb. If you were to add it to a larger story I'm sure it would enhance the plot, but as it stands alone it is a bit boring.

~D

Excellent!

This shows how a picture can truly move people. With so many sad disasters that occured in 2005, a picture truly does speak a thousand words.

Keep up the good work.

Also, would you mind reviewing my biography. The first chapter is a little slow, but it picks in ch 2

This is so sad, Ceci! Kind of reminds me of the things I write. Sadness does not suit you at all!!

Very nice, the emotion was well evoked. I know how that is, have you ever seen the picture of the vulture just staring at a child in Africa waiting for it to die?

Anyways, good imagry, although you talk about a mistake and never mention what it was. I like the forever unblinking, and wished you had continued the forever theme.

This is profound and amazing. Your simple description of a photograph brought tears to my eyes and the paragraph about her already looking at peace sent chills up my spine. This is amazing writing. Your descriptions made it seem less like a straightforward prose description and a little more poetic. It made me, the reader, grow more attached to the girl in the picture. Along with that, you have excellent imagery. Her beautiful eyes. "...which looks like a burned and ruined forest covering the earth's face..." That one description stuck in my mind after reading it. Along with all of this, you have an excellent variety in vocabulary, and perfect grammar as far as I'm concerned. OH--another great thing, you get your point across. The last paragraph was especially chilling--"She could have changed lives." You're an amazing writer.

Later.

i like this. i'd be interested to know what happened. nice work.