Last reviewers-found review!

Since this is my last review, I'll take the time to talk about what I think of your plot.

I like the pace. It is quick and down to the point. However, I think your plot has a lot of gaps in it. One moment your character is very angry, another she is very calm, and things like that. The plot seems to jump from one point to another rather quickly. This could easily be fixed with more details in between. A bit more investigation into the hearts of your characters. Now, I know you are trying to express some strong emotions, but I can't feel them. You need to make your readers relate to these common experiences of betrayal and subsequent anger, and that can only be done by more details in your writing.

Aside from that, your characters don't seem very different to me. They seem really flat. I can't grasp their personalities. Once again, this all leads to more details. Details doesn't make a story boring, it is the choice of words.

Which leads to my next point about your writing. It is clear, but not concise. You can trim the fat out of your writing by omitting unnecessary words. For instance, you keep on saying that your characters are in rage. By what they say and do, we already know she is angry. The "rage" part is unnecessary and interrupts the flow. Try to show, not tell, and the emotions would flow more naturally.

Hope that helps! It was a good read nonetheless!

~Dex

Reviewers-found again!

“Yeah, I haven’t heard anything from they yet." should be "them" not "they"

Besides that, the writing was in general clear. Once again, you may want to elaborate on things a bit more. For instance, I have no idea how their house looks like. Is it neat or tidy? Does it have antique furniture? Adequate sunlight? All these little things tell a lot about the characters. Also, how do the characters look like?

One more thing is that you may want to combine your paragraphs and make them longer. It helps to physically integrate your ideas, which helps the flow of the story. Try expanding your thoughts. It'll make your writing more attractive.

Reviewers-found

First of all, the prologue and this chapter were written in a very competent writing style. I had no trouble understanding everything. However, you may want to elaborate on the characters; give more details to the way they look, act, and speak. It would make their actions sound more natural.

Heyy! Moi again!! Lol. Moving on to the review...:D

> This was the International Writers Association… and her dream. <

Okay, this is grammatically incorrect since the sentence and the joint phrase are not complimentary. To make it sound basic...uhm...when you ask the question 'What is her dream?' the answered isn't 'The International Writers Association' but instead, 'to be part of the International Writers Association'

Hehe. That's what I was trying to say...Anyway...moving on...:D

I like the end since it ended just right but yet I feel that it is a bit of cliffhanger. It's nice that you keep the suspense going on which not bore us, so yea, great job. =D

Another thing I like is that you didn't throw your characters' personalities like a bomb on us. It not only rids us becoming bored but it also keeps us waiting for more - more meaning the next chapter. I hate it when the beginning chapters contain all the characters' descriptions and history because long paragraph = BORING. So I really really applaud you for that! ;p

Once again, keep up the great work! :D

Heyy!

It's me again! Lol. Hope you aren't tired of me yet! ;p

> This was the International Writers Association… and her dream.

good job.
My only dislikes throughout the whole story was the use of darling, and my love. I just don't think it sounds natural, you are the writer and it is your choice, i jsut thought i'd make you aware of my feelings.
anyway, I can tell that you've tried, which is an extremely great thing that you should be proud of. You can stop reading the review now, but I wanted to tell you something. the relationship between Nadia, and Rachel, seemed much like that of Harper Lee, and Truman Capote. Capote collaberated with Lee and they wrote a book together, in the end, all Capote did was dedicate the book to Lee, after she'd written half of it. Anyway, I thought I'd let you know that. It was a nice story.
Great Job,
ashlyn

yeah, so now I understand the "goddess" you are referring to is a woman go..right? I probably sound extremely dumb, but I have only lived for so long. Anyway I found an error in one of your sentences:
"Yeah, I haven’t heard anything from they yet."-I believe they should be them.
Yeah, and that's it.
on my way to review some more.
ashlyn

Okay. I don't usually read these kinds os stories..it's different, in more ways than one, and I believe you already know what I mean. Despite the fact I don't normally read a story of this, well, I dont know what word to use, I have realized it is very well written. Almost like a movie playing and replaying in my head, so kudos to that.! One thing I didn't like was the fact that you used "my love". It may just be a southern thing, (from the south, lol) but I don't usually here that, it seems un-natural to me. Anyway, good job so far.

I really like this story. It seems dark but light at the same time. It's like there is so many secrets that are to be let out. You did a great job, can't wait for more.

interesting chapter. i guess Rachel sorta deserved to be yelled out by coming across as so smug at first , u said she had smirk of satisfaction on her face unless that was her own form of defense mechanism/self preservation.
it seems Rachel and Nadia(Tammy) are still caught up in hte past and even if theyve moved on in their lives, their relation ship was a defining moment that cant be forgotten even if they want to
also i took ur advice and im writing the part of the girlfriend in Friend of a Friend. ill send u a sneak preview of ch 3 :-D

awesome awesome just awesome... XD

so r we going to meet Rachel again,i think she's probably the author who wants to pair up with Nadia

chapter seems a bit rushed, going to c what happens mext

ok the beginning makes me want to knoe what the fight was about esp since 11 years is a long time so suspensful i like it

good job, can't wait till you update it. so i wonder if that rachel girl is gunna be in it again. it would make things interesting. a trianlge of love XD. but anyway great job on it.