this story is...well i'm at a loss for words but it's...so perfectly imperfect? i'm not making much sense at the moment but please update soon :)

I haven't been on fiction press in forever, but the first thing I did was check this story. It's amazing. Keep up the good work.

First sentence and you got me hooked. Is there really any need for more words?

Sadly, I am a completely redundant person who just loves words even though I don't really need them, so I'm just gonna continue this review.

Ahem. Yes.

It's really insightful, very dark and deep. Sticks remarkably in my head, and it borders on madly disturbing without going over the line. Very sad, melancholic, and the grief and guilt is all so palpable I almost felt it myself. It's scary how sometimes a story can make you feel as if you've been through the same things yourself, isn't it? It's what your story did for me, and it isn't even complete yet.

Do I have the honour of cursing you? I have a sudden urge to curse someone for being so good and making something stick in my head for once.

I just realised that one of the reasons that I love this fic is becuase it's told from the guy's point of view. Usually, it's some ttenage girl who's throwing tantrums left, right and centre, but it's refreshing to see someone who can write and understand people (whether they be guys or girls) who are introverted and are have difficulty conveying to others what they're feeling especially after when they're grieving or feeling a sense of loss.

it's NOT toby's fault! damn natasha. had to drag him down with her!

woW! intense. kinda scary too...

wow. this is seriously a weird/angsty/creepy story.
OMG i love it!

it's not the type of story that i would usually read but the symbolism of everything and the well written quality of each chapter really drew me in. i hope it's leading to a great end so keep on writing and update soon!!

hey viv...another great chapter...i couldnt stop man...XD...i just thought i might come and visit ur page and read this story...i really like it and wen i came i realised its been updated...wohoo...=)...well its no point saying hope u add more to it...rofl u prolly wont have time...buh i'll say it n e way...add more add more add more SON...=)...c ya mate!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR UPDATING! I love this story. I will be keeping a very close eye on it.

The haunting quality looks more like manipulation than any ghost-like qualities--I think it's closer to Tobias' guilt and her intent to manipulate him even past death. Her death and her words are insincere; it's only Tobias who remembers them and brings meaning to them.

Admittedly, Toby doesn't sound like a guy, yet. But there are a lot of eloquent people--and there are tons of girls who sound like guys anyway. rofl I think the main reason why he seems so effeminate is because we're hearing too many of his internal thoughts, which are very narrow, focused, and emotional. Pete and Marcos sound more like guys, but typical guys (which is bound to happen, anyway). I think Toby needs to talk less in his head about Natasha--it risks seeming too effeminate. What needs to happen are more arbitrary thoughts, or at least less blatant focusing on Natasha. Guys have a harder time talking about this kind of stuff. First person narration isn't really a device for voicing internal thoughts--it's a direct dialogue between the narrator and the reader, so essentially, what we know about the characters is only what our speaker will tell us. And especially if the speaker has gone through some pretty traumatic events, he or she is less likely to talk about them as openly as he or she would if the events were exciting, romantic or spiritually fulfilling.

The dialogue carries his torment just fine. I really enjoyed the interposition of Natasha's thoughts with the conversation. I don't think much more is necessary after that--you did such a good job with it that I don't think a lot more is necessary.

A few lines seemed pretty effeminate to me--ones that glared. I'll just copy and paste one example right here.

[I take her hand, despite the fact that every fibre of my being is screaming against it. I haven’t touched a girl since I’d let my fingertips brush Natasha’s over her suicide letter.] Be careful; guys are poetic, but most of the time, they don't wax, unless they are apprehensive or talkative. But you'll know right away if they're talkative or interior from the very first paragraphs. The big problem here are phrases like "every fiber of my being", "screaming against it", "let my fingertips brush over"... Of course, not every guy cusses or talks like an idiot, but they're a lot sharper. Like: "I take her hand even when I don't want to. I haven't gotten near a girl since Natasha's death." And of COURSE it sounds less artful, but it is also less distracting. The same rule applies for movies as it does for writing: "If you catch the director directing, the editor editing, or the actor acting, then you know the movie's b-quality." Same thing with writing. Be careful. Your character can embody your ideals and your experience, but your character must be a separate person from you--your characters and your story are a new reality that deserve respect and poignancy. This is the most difficult part of writing.

As for the actual contest stuff, you fit the phrases in extremely well. I seriously didn't see it coming. I thought it was going to be more random. It did really well though.

The chapter was really fluid and exhibits a lot of writing prowress. I think it'll be really good after you've really touched it up.

Wow, amazing new chapter. update soon!

Intense...I like :)Love the way Natasha is still a part of this story. Even though she's dead, she's still such a main character!Keep going! (Hopefully, not a sad ending?)

It was totally obvious that "The Scent of Her" was going to win. Super addicting, extremely original, and very creative story.

Oh my! You have no idea how much joy this update brought to my little heart...I'm excited for more! However, study all you need to, I know how difficult it is to blance school, tests and the like with writing.

I like it that Toby's so depressed...I love the angst. *shudders with happiness*

You def deserve 1st place! Congrats! Can't wait for more!