i love this.. i can seriously relate.. in a huge way. i love it.. me&my ex basically went throuhg the same thing.. sorta.. i updated btw.

Good, strong start. Catch the reader's attention.

I can relate with the broken trust. . .

Great description about yourself (the main character). Solid, and paints a wonderful picture.

You use fragments well.

Okay, you had me until the end. Fix it. right now it's crap. You write about this strong emotional realtionship, but than it's thrown away for almost no reason at all. No, not buying it. Make it a bigger deal. Say, he slept with another girl, or had been seeing her on and off. Or maybe it was an ex he was kissing. Right, this is nothing to worrie about and isn't worth THAT kind of a fight. (take it from me, I've been dating my boyfriend for damn near two years now and we've gone through a lot).

You need to expand more on the emotional hurt. No one wants to hear the half assed version. Your the writer and it's your job to tell the reader what the see, smell, taste, hear and most importantly feel. You need to work on that more.

awe so sad, but i loved it anyway...guess what i updated Supeficcially HOnest...so go ahead check it out...Happy New Yearsugh i'm not ready for 2006