 Pheobe Meryll 2006-01-15 . chapter 1I liked the line "the father stared at me as if he had just lost his little boy." That captures the essence of this story, innocence and naivety being broken by reality, in a touching way. I think you could have driven that point a bit harder, personally, but as far as giving the reader a mental image, this was very well-done. Thanks for reviewing my story! And keep writing! |