Oh honey. Please tell me that you don't still self mutilate yourself.

can i try to stop it? please? i hate the pain that you feel, i hate reading these poems, and knowing that the pain inside you is real. angel, let me be YOUR protecter, not the other way around. please? i love you, adn i don't care what happens to you, i always will.

Heya, love. :) i hope you're doing all right. haven't talked to you in awhile. email me, if you wish, at aunt_stacy_is_cool@hotmail.com. i don't get there too often, but you can still email me there. Love you angel girl, and remember, if you ever want to call... ever want to talk, just do so, and i'll listen with everything that i am. :) I love you always and forever.

Hmm.

I was hoping to be able to find an impersonal poem here so that I could technically critique it without putting myself in the firing line for "you don't understand me!" type responses. Not that I'm saying you WOULD respond like that, but believe it or not, some rather immature people HAVE. (Heh - not that I'm bitter or anything...)

So I shall begin by stating, as I make a point of doing these days, that if this poem IS as personal as I suspect it may be, then the points I make are in no way a reflection of my feelings toward you. I don't KNOW you, and probably never will: I have no judgement as concerns your personal life.

If you take offence to anything stated herein, please do not take it out on my work. I have no problem with constructive criticism given writer-to-writer, but I would rather not have my inbox clogged up with criticism-response reviews. Feel free to e-mail me: biro_and_compass@yahoo.com.

Like I say, by the way, I'm not insinuating that you WOULD take this personally, nor launch some sort of defensive attack on my inbox, but it has happened to me before: in less-than-formal terms, I'm just covering my arse.

Anyway, on with the show.

I think you have a lot of potential here. Whilst your ideas are average, you have a rather dramatic flourish that pulls them up to standard.

"and as I lay in the middle of the floor/** up on more pills than my body can handle at one time"

This is a good, dramatic opener. But I think you could condense it further, make it more rhythmic -

"and as I lay ** up in the middle of the floor"

One line. To me, it suggests overdose anyway, but either way, it's a more ambiguous beginning and a more rhythmic one. It sounds almost Placebo-esque, although most things do to me at the moment...But I really can hear Brian Molko singing this. And from me, that's a compliment.

"I'll look at the love of my life/and tell him that the scars on my wrist aren't mistakes"

Again, dramatic, but once more I think you could condense it into one line.

"I'll tell him that the scars on my wrist aren't mistakes"

This would again make it more ambiguous. Whilst it's not difficult to guess who 'he' is, you're FORCING the reader to guess, thereby drawing them in.

You've done this a lot throughout. I won't give you any more examples, but personally, I think you have enough material here for a ten, maybe fourteen-line poem. The rest is just padding; you don't need it.

"there are no words/there are no thoughts/there is nothing" This is a nice rule of three. You don't need the "that will make me think differently". Actually, it ruins the effect by not really making all that much sense.

"The last time I marked/my pale skin/will not be the last time I try/to end the life that I hate/to end the never ending pain" Personally? I'd just say get rid of this. You don't need it; it adds nothing, and takes away quite a bit. It's CLICHE, see? The dreaded word...Avoid at all costs.

The rest of the poem is similar, to be honest. The best advice I can give you is to spend a while writing in the third person. Get inside someone ELSE'S head; it's far too easy to get trapped in your own. And getting into someone else's does you good generally as well as in your writing.

~The Watched

Hauntingly beautiful. Breath-taking, a wonderful expression of the feeling of helplessness and despration to die without wanting the people you love to bare the weight.

[+favorite stories]

Angel, people CAN stop. You can stop. I know you can. Leigha, i luv you, and tony luvs you. so does Daddy. :( Please, don't hurt yourself any more. you're not worthless. You are worth something to me, and to tony, adn to his daughter. Please!

I used to feel like this all the time, and it seems like those feelings are coming back. This poem was amazing.

Your poem is amazing. It really is associable..(if that is the word..) I feel almost the exact same way right now. These lines especially :no amount of loveno amount of happinesswill ever change the way I feelI will always want to die

keep up the most excellent work.Sorry I suck at reviewing

oh my god, this is amazing, omg, I love this, this is one of your best pieces and it's so beautiful, I love it! i can relate to it so much, excellent job!