Reviews for The Dreamweb - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: The Dreamweb

Alex Worthington 2007-07-23 ch 3,	abusei am very intrigued! i like how this story isn't written from just one character's perspective. and i also like that voice that Leigh hears. it's quite funny. i'm very excited for the next installment.
diamond-dust08 2006-08-07 ch 3,	abusemarvelous. this was woven unlike any other story of the sort that i've read before in Fiction Press. i can probably say that this story's greatest strength lies in its careful and detailed descriptors. you've written a tale that is not only vivid but captivating. your choice of titling it "dreamweb" is very apt; it's dreamy, surreal, and fantastic. its graphic mastery is evident even from the outset, and readers were treated to a consistent kaleidoscope of lifelike expression of a fictional world up to the latest chapter. although there was no date in the story i'm inclined to think it was set in a time corresponding to the advent of the steamboat, judging from the ferry and style of your words which suited the age of the Industrial Revolution. also, even though it looked to be polished at first glance, there were some grammatical mistakes and typos, but i think there's no use telling you that as they're nothing that a good proofreading won't fix. you can also produce a very realistic chain of events, especially how the characters acted; there was no 'jerky' feeling to your flow, and they move as lifelike as possible. the wordings you've employed in this story is huge; sentences were constructed with an appealing form, especially the exchange between characters which seem genuine, like you've quoted a real conversation between people and put them into script. that is one good trait you have, as far as writing style is concerned. i was delighted to see too that you have a pinch of everything--action, drama, and all those little nuts and bolts--in the right proportions, and you can play with several usages of grammar in the proper sense. the physical structure itself is average, though, with missing punctuation or punctuation that should have been there to accentuate the mood of the story--and something that i noticed. the conviction of your narrative voice is a little inconstant--what i meant was the force with which you delivered the tone of the story. it was fairly strong in the first chapter, but in the succeeding chapters it lost its power especially with the humorous talking blade of grass (which is quite absurd and funny at the same time). the mood, though a great one in its own right, seemed disjointed as well, with a thoroughly unrelated second (or first) chapter that was only given treatment near the end of the third (or second) chapter. it's not to say that it's no good, though. it only seemed that there was no unity in mood, as both succeeding chapters after the prologue took different auras for themselves, and was only briefly touched very near the end of the third (or second) chapter. this is not a judgment though, as it's just two chapters and i will see what you can do with the next ones. chapter 2 (the Leigh and Isolde chapter) is very, very intriguing, with the horrible death of their mother from a sinister, unseen force, while chapter 3 is more urban, more civilized, and much lighter in tone (as the grass ensured us it would be), but still retains an enigmatic magnetism, with the entry of Leigh in Anila's "dream world". in these scenarios it was evident that you are not only skilled in writing with a flow so many are envious of, with a pleasing details and a satisfying exchange style, but you can also keep an air of mystery if you wanted it. i bow to you for that. the characters are also wonderful; they move and talk like they know they are, that they exist, and they respond accordingly. although i would've liked for more character development of Anila i think it was sufficient enough in this context, but the plot pacing is plodding along. although i can probably categorize it as "slow-moving" it would probably be "slowly but surely" as well. we can already glimpse a part of it at the end of chapter three. the snake-like bracelet that Anila took from her dead father was also... interesting. although i can't seem to produce the reason why Merari kept it when it Anila, small as she was back then, knew its importance, its apparently coming to life has an intriguing aspect to it. i hope you can elaborate it more in the future. keep writing and be sure to update frequently! i will be watching this story's progress. ~DD
Rites of Arcadia 2006-07-26 ch 3,	abuseThanks for the review Kinna, so here's one of my own in return.I'm not a big fan of AU Fantasy or Science Fiction, but this one is well written. Interesting plot, confusing, but I'm sure it will work out in the end. Makes me wonder what Facade was about, since I wasn't around to read that.“I’m pretty this is my dream.” Anila offered an uncertain smile. ]] Typo in that sentence, chapter three. Just so you know :P
murphy1086 2006-05-20 ch 3,	abuseHey Kinna I know that you’re out at your cabin right now, but I figured I could send you a note telling you how much I love this new story! While I’ll get that to you later, I want to tell you everything that you may want to look over just in case (and I’m allowed to be critical because I’m your friend who doesn’t know how to write herself, but likes to criticize others). (chapter 2) (I picked this chapter because it was in between 2 and 3. he) “Don’t worry,(?)” she hissed at him, her sharp eyes cutting into his face.However, don’t you think that this sentence may need a question mark after it?: Here are some more little errors I found: Outside the people are wondering. Their moral(e) is low, as is their faith in their leader. We need to get her out.” “Mother,” Leigh stood up to pound on the door with his fist. “Let me in. It’s your son, Leigh.” Odd scratching noises came from inside the room, and he heard his mother muttering in a strange low voice.  could it perhaps be “Let me in. It’s your son…it’s Leigh.” ? I dunno. Its good as it is, and I know where you’re getting with it, but it seems that in this situation it looks like he’d pause slightly before saying his name? Just a suggestion, but what do I know. (nothing…but that’s okay ) and in this certain situation when hes trying to get ahold of his mother, does Leigh speak really roughly (as indicated by the pounding on the door? Or softly, trying to coax his mother into opening the door for him…) “Mother!” he mouthed silently, terrified beyond reason.  I don’t really understand how he’s mouthing silently…with an exclamation point..? explain? Good points: I really, really like your description. With like blood dripping down his whatever. I can’t really describe death the way you can!! Haha. And of course, you know how to make everything so interesting when all the character is really doing is staring. That’s pretty awesome. What else…no there really wasn’t anything else (just kidding hah hah. I’m so witty). No, I actually like the plot. It’s interesting, something that I normally wouldn’t read if you hadn’t wrote it, but it’s good! This line: [“I never said anything about murder,” Isolde said coolly, her voice wavering the slightest bit. “You’re the one who just brought it up.”] …is really funny. Holy crap. HAR HAR HAR A Shifter, is that like a real mythological character? Or did you just make it up? Cause its really neat. Chapter 3: (I couldn’t resist)“Take my back!” His body was shaking with fury.  did he really want her to take his back, or for her to take him back home? Haha. I laughed so much when I saw that…sorry! :P This is so freaking amazing! Holy crap, who knew eh? (ME!) Can’t wait to see what happens next….But don’t try too hard…we still have our story to do! Love ya Hun, Mel PS: Do you love how I totally wrote this all out as I was reading your story?
Silent Force 2006-05-20 ch 3,	abuseThis was probably the best chapter yet! I like Anila and I like how you pulled her into the story. Now I can't wait to find out now that she and Leigh have met. I hope you'll update soon! adds to favorites
Silent Force 2006-05-20 ch 2,	abuseSorry for this being such an overdue review... Wow, very nice follow-up chapter. There were lots of mysterious goings-on that intrigued me, and the characters are equally interesting. So far I like Leigh the best. Now I want to know what happens next. Nice job!
Torngari 2006-03-10 ch 2,	abuseWell thought out first couple chapters. Great hook for readers. All dialogue makes for a nice fast past read. All in all I think that so far it is a well written story.
Silent Force 2006-02-10 ch 1,	abuseVery good starting chapter; I really got a feel for the characters. I like the whole concept of a group of people who have the ability to turn into some sort of creature, too. I'll be interested in what happens next! Good job.
Shadowhound 2006-02-05 ch 2,	abuseexcellent chapter. you have some intriging descriptions in this. i look forward to reading more. Shadowhound
Shadowhound 2006-02-05 ch 1,	abusefirst off, i have a problem with your character's name. i know, i can have a problem with anything, just NOT THE CHARACTER'S NAME. one of those wierd taboo things. it's nothing major, but in the first sentence, with a name like Merari, it sounds like a girl's name. then you say Merari is a boy, and i am confused. there are certain letters in names that define whether the name is masculine of feminine. names ending in o, y, and e are usually male. i and a are usually female. just make a subtle change with you character and i won't automatically assume he is a she. overall a very nice chapter. excellent descriptions throughout. as i said before, my only problem was the name of that one character. any way, off to the next chapter. Shadowhound
silentsound 2006-01-04 ch 1,	abusenice beginning, i really like the characters, and the way you describe things. I'm very interested to read on now and see what happens. Keep it up! and thank you for the review, sorry this isnt longer, but i really said all that needed to be said.
Islandbreeze 2006-01-02 ch 1,	abuseNice description in the beginning, and I like the name Tuan. Intriguing start."She does not recognize Anila or I,"- it would be 'she doesn't recognize me' so 'Anila or me' Oh, the wolf being his wife was a shock, and interesting. The dialogue is all very natural, and you show Tuan's feelings well about leaving his wife. Such a sad situation. "A shiver spidered down his spine, and he suddenly felt invisible bony fingers grasping at his face and arms"- I loved that sentence. Really cool beginning, I like the characters and it was a start that pulled you in. Update soon!
Every Thought 2006-01-02 ch 1,	abuseWow. This was an amazing chapter...I'm intrigued. Your characters are vibrant; life-like, and I could really get into the story through Merari's perspective. I can tell this is going to be interesting...Update soon. - Every Thought P.S. Thank you for so many reviews.
Eyes of Amethyst 2006-01-01 ch 1,	abuseThis was an interesting beginning. ^_^ You do have some grammatical errors, but nothing overly major. The storytelling was also somewhat choppy, though I'm not sure if it's just me and my sleepy mind talking. ^_^ But overall, a good start. Keep it up! ^_^ ~Eyes of Amethyst

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