Some of the sentence structure needs to be varied more, I think. However, the diction, as always, was great-- imagery and everything was pretty vivid. Perhaps more colour description?

It reads so well, though.. And I loved "instantly strange."

You may say it's crap, but I'm really hopeful for where this will lead :)

I particularly enjoyed the transition.. "He didn’t notice he was numb. Then, his senses returned, addling his mind. There was color, sounds, smells, feelings. Explosions of sensation throbbed in his mind, which threatened to overload." That was pretty unique.

Aiee! You updated =)

The only thing I could find that bothered me was perhaps the overuse of some colloquial and metaphorical phrases.. a few sounded too cliche.

Otherwise, I'm liking the plot and the imagery. Nice piece ^^;

Hey, just thought to let you know I'm going to drop you from my favorite author list and add one of your stories to my favorites in its place. Nothing personal; I'm just going to try something new with my lists. :] (Just blame my bad sense of humor.)

Luscious imagery. Your writing is so descriptive and just.. alive.. At some spots I felt the diction could be cut down a bit. Parting with your own words is hard, though..

"sponsor all of this mayhem"- I just love this combination of words.. because it seems so real and fantastic at the same time. The variety of wording you manage to use that is understandable and practical at the same time just amazes me, and makes reading your work so much more enjoyable =)

The ending has a punctual feel to it. I don't know if you plan to continue this piece (although I think you should ^^), it seems almost as if it could stand alone.

Good work on this piece. I'd love to see continuation on both this and Children of the Unicorn.