I would really, really, really like to see more of this. I'm already in love with the characters. I hope you have plans for someday starting it up again.

There's something about this that instantly caught my eye. Whether it was the summary or the normality of this story or the characterization and interaction between characters. There's something I find oddly comfortable and enjoyable about this story and I think it stems from it being 'everyday-ordinary.' Like everything isn't so angst ridden and drama filled, I find that very real.

I also love the interaction between the group of them.

Don't mind my rambling :P

Really hoping you continue writing this story one day :)

In the first chapter, I wasn't entirely sure if I could wholly relate to the characters, knowing as little about American culture as I seem to. However the issues that these kids face are so blooming realistic that they seem to permeate through the cultural barriers- the insight into K-Rod's home life was particularly touching, simply because it's a normal home scene with a mum obviously struggling but completely devoid of all the ridiculous teen-aged angst that I seem to encounter on fiction press.

I like Nali the best I think, her interactions with the boys are great and she seems to have a great sense of humour...I'm not sure if I'm really connecting with the narrator, however, I hope the story progresses so I can relate to him more...but this hasn't been updated in a while which is a little dissapointing.

Language wise, you tend to revert to talking head syndrome at points in the chapter where there is just dialogue, some tags with actions would illustrate some sections much better

Well I was first attracted to this because of the rather intriguing summary, the characterization seems particularly well thought considering the nature of the story, and you can just tell that brimming behind a set of laid back and inconsequential chatter lies a wealth of well-thought out character pages that seems to ebb out through such simple dialogue.

I like Toby, he seems like the default leader of the group at the moment, asking the questions and opening the story in the way that he does. The line about sweating from Nali made me chuckle particularly.

I think it’s interesting that the characters all have a default archetype about them, but in a way seem to be more unique than the usual clichés that I tend to encounter on this site.
I think I would have liked to see the background which is explored well and thoroughly punctuated a little more with current events in the story, just to keep a reader hooked. However, the groups little foibles such as the piercing phase and the bullying thing were interesting and the characters are enough to keep me reading to the next chapter…good job!

I really love the whole idea of this. I'm gonna be all twitchy until I know that boy's name. I'm like him. The obsever. lol.

Update please! Pretty please.

Update!

Amazing work, I really liked it. You have quite the way with words and writing, it's freaking awesome. Although it kinda bothers me that nameless kid...has no name. Haha, seriously I re-read the whole thing from chapter one 'cause I thought I might've missed it.

Anyway keep it up, I'd love to read more about it. I'll stop sucking up now ;D

I like this alot. Wish you could update, but it's extremely good as it is. It's very original.

Chapter two was nothing short of spectacular. I honestly think I enjoy the parts with K-Rod, Nali, and Toby the best; they're always the most hilarious, even though...Nameless Kid, as I'm going to call the pool boy (if you said his name, I can't remember what it was), is pretty funny too. I feel bad for him, what with the whole 'no place in high school' thing, plus the deal with Emma. Poor kid.

Anyway, I enjoyed reading this very much, and I hope that you continue it. It's very promising.

If I believed in love at first sight, I'd say that I fell in love with this story the instant I read the summary, but I don't. However, after reading just a few of the opening paragraphs, I've officially decided that this story is amazing. The friendship between the characters is so strong that you can't help but get sucked in, and they're so well-developed too. I'm in awe.

I can't think of a single thing to critique, but I have to point out how the dialogue flows so naturally. I loved how you twisted bits from the past in so explicitly; it really made things feel...alive, for a lack of a better word. Completely awesome, and I cannot wait to see where this story goes.

Hey, this was a wonderful story I stumbled upon! =) Are you planning on continuing and finishing this? I love the dimensions you give the characters, and I'm really interested to see where it'd all go! Thanks for a great read and update soon if possible!

wow, this is so fricking awesome. i love your style, this whole story justs rocks my socks. waiting eagerly for more!

I really like it, and I love how it's written. I'm really curious to see what's going to happen now..

Girl, you know I can't keep my hangs off of one of your stories.

This has some great character depth, and it's only the first chapter! You could really go places with this if you wanted.

Your word choice, detail, and humor have all evolved since you were going at Operation Crossdress, and it's something I really enjoy.

I pleases me to say that it actually feels like I'm reading professional work, and not the amateur gimmicks of most of the other writers on the site. It really makes me feel like I'm using that whole "10%" of my brain, ya know?

Word.

I really like this! It's well written and keeps your attention. Please update and if you do message me or something because I forget what stories I read. lol.

But yeah this is really good. Please continue writting!

-Corri

PS Have an awesome-o day that would kick anyone's side of holy noodles!