Reviews for Twin Swords - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Twin Swords

taurus261990 2006-01-11 ch 2,	abusethis is kinda sad...ah well great chapter anyway!!plz update soon!
ans0n* 2006-01-06 ch 1, anon.	abusey0~nicE st0ry y0u have written((:update so0n?
Cloudstalker 2006-01-05 ch 2,	abuseno growl when u continue? keep up good work (:~Everyone read my story ZMD; it = funniest story ever :)~
taurus261990 2006-01-04 ch 1,	abusei like this so far, it sounds like it will be kinda sad though, plz update soon!
Lccorp2 2006-01-03 ch 1,	abuseHarr. Archdemon Lord Duffikus: Psh. I haven't the time to correct everything, but I'll point out a few general things... First off, it may be a prologue of sorts, but the first chapter is far too short. While I can understand the short attention span of most fictionpress readers, it's no excuse. Try to set a good pace-I myself do 2500 words/chapter, Mya von dor and Shadow Gryphon do about 40 or so, but since you're beginning I'll settle for 1250. Try to stick to it. For starters, you could try to include more verbs and adjectives into your sentence openers. When you've mastered that, try putting in when/while, because, prepositions and -ed words to start off your sentences. Variety is the spice of life, and writing too. You can have the best plot, the best characters, the best whatnot, but if you have dull, drab sentence structure no one is going to read it, mm'k? A good place to start would be eyetk's "writing with diversity" on this site. Read. Learn. It's good. Next prop: update regularly, if you want regular readers. It's hard, I know. Make a date. Stick with it. One update a week or so shouldn't intrude upon your personal life. It's the price you have to pay if you want to crawl a little out of the woodwork here. Stay away from cliches...read fictionpress to see what most people write about. I'll give a short list, but there are plenty more: -Werewolves versus vampires. -Prophecised heroes saving the world. -Fiesty girls running away from oppresive patriarchal family/society to become great xena-like warriors. -Teenagers with elemental powers save the world. There's plenty more out there...go look around. Stay away from them, if you want your stories to be interesting and unique. -Try to make your characters multi-faceted. "Mary Sue" perfect characters are dull, drab and boring. Give Aria some faults, some weaknesses. Let her enemies use them against her (and i'm not talking about stealing the hero's magical sword-esque situation). Real heroism is ordinary people performing extraodinary acts. The struggle within is greater than the struggle without. Think about that. -Give more description. You make some attempt at that with the gate, but you're only using sight. Appeal to the other four senses, then. Heck, make it five-make me feel for Aria. Show (though not directly) what's in her mind. Delirium? Excitement? Sorrow? Express her emotions through her gestures. And there's one last thing: "For the sake of the gods-there's a line button on the fictionpress edit machine! a sting of o's isn't cutting it!" Yours sincerely, Duffikus Lord of the Demonic Planes, devourer of worlds.
democratfroggie 2006-01-03 ch 1,	abuseI did enjoy it! I have no idea what's going on yet...but I want to find out. You've got my attention, so explain soon please! Also...I've just published my own fantasy story, Mystify, on here, and I haven't gotten many reviews yet, so if you could read and review I would appreciate it. Thanks!

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